‘My Body Doesn’t Like Me’
Why do some people’s bodies become a constant battleground of pain?
For 25 years I’ve watched her body battle her. It seems to be fighting against itself, as if it had a bad manager or an absent CEO.
I don’t know why. And I don’t know if I should be worried.
My body is different. My body behaves as if it were on my side. My body and I get up and go about the day’s business and along the way we enjoy a couple of meals, have a good poop and a glass of wine. Then we put ourselves to bed for a good night’s rest. No harm, no foul. No conspiracy. No aches and pains.
My wife is no lazy bones. No couch potato. She has been teaching kindergarten for years. It’s a stand-up job. And she’s an excellent teacher; very conscientious and compassionate. She is a respected leader on her school staff team.
However, in the battleground of her body, she has aches and pains that come and go mysteriously, or linger for months or years without a known source or cause. I have heard her say on many occasions, “My body doesn’t like me.”
Today at the breakfast table she was kneading the skin on the top of her forearm right near the elbow joint. She says, “It’s the fascia; the connective stuff. It’s not the muscle and it’s not the bone. Sometimes it stops completely, and then it starts up again.” The mysterious sore arm has been bothering her for about two months now.
There is a place in her opposite shoulder that has been tied up in a tight, painful knot for two weeks. It too began mysteriously, and she’s been at its mercy ever since. I see her shrugging her shoulders as if to stretch and shake off some monster on her back. At bedtime I’ll stick my knuckles on it to massage the area and try to make it surrender. But it always comes back. And she sees the massage therapist monthly. It helps, but doesn’t stop it from returning somewhere else at random.
Stiffness of hips is another issue. She has this funny way of doing stretches where she lifts up her heel and rests it on the kitchen counter. Our kids imitate this to make fun of her, because she’s always doing it.
All of the muscles and ligaments and nerves and bones are connected. They are a system. We understand that the human body is an intricate and wonderful connection of cooperative systems.
Our food, our attitude, our environment all have a part in determining what our overall physical health is like. We’re wary of the simple cure, or the quick cure for anything. And we know that life is often strange, inexplicable, and painful.
But I’m still confused about her pain. I rarely have pain of any type in my body. I just don’t get it.
Together we began kickboxing classes. After a couple of years that regime began to wear thin, and it was getting kind of expensive. So we stopped kickboxing. But recently we bought our own kickboxing practice bag. It gets used mainly when someone feels like punching someone’s lights out.
Over time my wife has chosen to stay active in order to battle the ongoing tendency towards stiffness and pain.
She took dancing classes with her friends and our daughters. Belly dancing. Yoga. Water fitness. Walks on the neighbourhood trail.
She had foot pain that got really bad in the morning, and then would fade away as the day went on. She found out that her shoes weren’t fitting the soles of her feet and that she had plantar fasciitis. The podiatrist said her back pain and neck pain could be related to bad feet and the resultant improper posture, so she got orthotics. No more sore feet, but the other issues didn’t go away.
My wife has concluded that her best bet is to keep active and keep a positive outlook. By being active she won’t stiffen up, and she will think less about where it hurts. Her motivation for exercise was not so much burning calories anymore, as it is maintaining a good balance of mental health and physical health.
Recently my wife made a discovery. She took up horseback riding lessons twice a week. The reason wasn’t to find a good way to get physical exercise, but rather to satisfy her love for horses.
Since learning to ride there has been a big spiritual and mental benefit. I noticed it immediately. She has come to know one horse in particular. Spending an hour in connection with such a sensitive and trusting animal, and learning how to communicate with him, sit on his back, ride him and direct him by balancing and using her body has been a wonderful gift.
The big bonus is that it is unlike any of the other healthy activities she has tried. It strengthens her mentally and physically.
To steer she has to be carefully balanced on the saddle. She needs to use subtle or not-so-subtle pressure and squeezing motions with her legs on his sides. She needs to be sitting up tall and using her core muscles correctly, because he can sense every wiggle of her butt, and he can tell which way she is leaning. She can’t get away with being physically weak or lazy while riding. He demands her complete attention. And the best thing about riding is that it is restorative to my wife’s entire being.
She comes home renewed in spirit, and physically tired like from a full body workout. And she’s happy because she knows her horse trusts her and looks forward to working with her. There is a great sense of purpose.
Now after 25 years of trial and error, with the inexplicable aches and pains continuing, my wife has enhanced her strategy to maintain good physical health.
Riding has been the missing piece in many ways.
