The Cleaning Lady is here….

So I have a lot of feels about having someone come clean my house. Some of it has to do with the history of women in service positions, some of it just because it is “my” house and I am supposed to take care of it.

The sad truth of it is, I was not a great house cleaner before I got sick. I could manage and was good at clearing clutter, but I will own this: I am not good at scrubbing. This girl — she is really good at scrubbing. She has been here for a couple hours now and she is hard worker, for sure.

Having a chronic illness gives me mad respect for people who use their bodies for work on a daily basis. When I was first diagnosed I looked up work accommodations for folks with an autoimmune type of arthritis and I was pleased and surprised to find that I already have the perfect job. I telecommute. I can sit all day and I can take frequent breaks. Honestly I have to be incredibly sick to “call in” to work, because if I can’t get to my laptop, then things are pretty bad.

If I had a more manual job or less education, my condition could put me out of work really fast. It would have affected my income, my ability to cope and I would not just be sitting here feeling awkward about the very nice woman who is scrubbing my table-legs and vacuuming my children's snacks out of the folds of the couch.

I am a fiercely independent woman and it is incredibly hard for me to ask for help (even if I am paying for it as a service.) Something inside me sees it as a sign of weakness. Thanks universe for giving me an illness that will challenge me regularly with this.

I can also see how truly blessed I am at the same time. My education and employment allow me to keep my standard of living while adjusting to a life with a forever disabling condition. I can balance my home and work life with my 6 shots a month, compromised immune system and multiple doctors visits. My employer has been fantastic — and if things get terribly worse I have short and long term disability insurance.

Some days I feel sorry for myself, but this is not one of them. I am lucky enough to be in the position to pay someone to clean my house and I do not take that lightly. Paying to have the help gives me peace of mind, much needed relief from that responsibility and income to someone who is working hard and not afraid to do hard and often unappealing work.

I will silently wish her good health and tip her well.