The Guilt of Chronic Pain
I’ve lived over a quarter of a century now with disability and chronic pain. One of the many lessons I have learnt is that it is natural to feel a lot of guilt because of this side of your life.
Chronic Pain causes me to feel most guilt within the workplace. The side-effects of the cocktail of medications I take causes serious problems with memory and brain fog which has an obviously devastating effect at times on your performance as an everyday worker.
Except of course, I’m not an everyday worker. I’m a guy with one-arm and chronic pain, doing my best to hold down a job and support my family, and cope with the horrible effects that pain and exhaustion can have on my physical and mental well-being.
I’ve learnt to turn guilt at work into gratitude. I am so sincerely thankful for the opportunity to work at a company that been by side for 12 years, through thick & thin and poured extra time and resources into helping me cope and perform.
I’m grateful for my colleagues and managers who are very understanding and patient. I’m grateful for the many workplace friends who raise a smile on my face and theirs during a quick catch-up, or when simply passing each other by.
At home I feel guilty that pain and exhaustion requires extra rest and recuperation, which takes precious time away from my wife and 18 month old son. I’m guilty for the bad mood that can take over me. I’m guilty for no longer taking time to socialise with friends and family. I’m guilty for spending time with my hobbies like photography and writing.
Of course I am also very lovingly grateful that my family loves me and forgives me for these things, without that I would be lost.
It’s really hard to get home from work exhausted and pretty much vacant, to see my son’s eyes and face light-up and immediately want to spend time to play and be with me. If you are a new parent like I was, I can hug you and tell you from afar that the good news is it really does get better. My son has learnt quickly to shift his play and be with me on the carpet where I can partially relax and play with him in relative comfort. (Of course he also has other days he wants me to endlessly chase him around the kitchen. I oblige, usually!)
Freedom from Guilt
If you suffer guilt like this there are several ways to deal with it. Techniques like thought-challenging and structured worry-time can help you cope with the shame of guilt and shift your mindset.
Meditation and stoic philosophy and two of my most powerful weapons in the battle against guilt. I read once that all suffering stems from only focusing on oneself and you can reverse despair by focusing on others.
So turn that Guilt into Gratitude! It will warm and open your heart.
All pain exists in the past via regret, and the future, via worry.
If you would like to learn more about my journey with Chronic Pain and disability, please visit my blog or YouTube channel
