Working Through The Pain

If you could change one thing in your life and that would give you your health back, would you?

I’m doing rehab work on my back at the moment, as part of increasing my exercise and lifting weights. While I was there, one of the trainers made a comment to me along the lines of “Think of the money and this will all be worth it”.

I was incredulous, angry, and devastated at the obvious lack of understanding he had, all at once. So while I wanted to rage I instead very very calmly let him know that he hasn’t seen the depression, the chronic pain, the tears of agony, the fainting, the struggle to walk, detoxing off pain meds, the PTSD, the grief from the loss of my hopes and dreams, or any of the other emotional impacts this accident has had on me. So no, the small amount of money I’ll get to care for my injury (for the rest of my life!) is absolutely not worth it. Especially when I have to wait if I want to have children, and be as strong as I can be prior to conceiving so that I’m (hopefully) not wheelchair bound for six months.

In the car on the way home I was thinking about how many chronic conditions actually have no cure. And then I got to thinking about how I’ve improved my life by losing weight and getting stronger. And how in reality I need to lose as much weight as I can to reduce the pressure on my back, and delay the onset of arthritis.

So that’s my goal, and its one I’m completely in control of. I’m going to really focus on my diet, do the weights that I love, and listen less to the haters. I’m also going to focus on self-care and look after myself with baths and things I love so that I am holistically continuing to heal.

Wish me luck! ❤

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