The first Star Wars film cost George Lucas his marriage. The second robbed him of his spot in the Director’s Guild of America. And as we know all too well, the prequels took his reputation.
Even though it took Lucas close to three decades to bring us six entries in the Star Wars saga, Disney now plans to produce the next batch in only six years. And if all goes well, they will be releasing one new Star Wars film annually until the end of time.
Perhaps Disney does not grasp the real human cost of making Star Wars films. They don’t yet realize the unsustainable nature of milking a franchise ad infinitum. But if the hype is to be believed, Star Wars is now on the threshold of becoming more than just a nerdy franchise with a passionate fanbase. It’s about to become the dominant cultural force on the planet.
At this point you might be thinking to yourself, haven’t we had enough already? Enough of the toys and trailers and daily media coverage? Enough of the collectible magazine covers, rambling interviews, and long-winded think pieces like this one? Haven’t we had our fill of Star Wars already?
If that’s where your head is at, you got it all wrong. The future is Star Wars and the future is now. We are in the midst of a great proliferation, living in what is perhaps the crucial turning point in all of human history
Debate will rage for years about December 18, 2015, the day when Star Wars launched its militant resurgence, a full scale assault on popular culture aiming at the heart of every living breathing soul on the planet.
With the stain of The Phantom Menace and hokey special editions firmly in the rear view mirror, the future of Star Wars is bright. Almost too bright. A never ending beacon of blinding light riding atop a tidal wave of delicious electromagnetic rapture. It’s like taking a sip from a gushing fire hose of non-stop action-packed cinematic ecstasy. Those metaphors don’t make any sense but they don’t need to; the future is here and the future is good.
There is more Star Wars entertainment planned for you than you have wrinkly years left to watch it. Soon we’ll be sitting back and watching a ragtag team of moisture farmers and Kessel runners popping up weekly on ABC’s Agents of Ackbar. Over on Netflix we’ll binge watch the gritty smuggler series Star Wars Underworld from underneath our Han Solo snuggie. When we’re finally ready for more lighthearted kids fare to watch during our family dinner, nothing beats The Next Jedis on Disney XD.
Are you tired yet? Start stuffing espresso beans in your pocket now because you’re about to snack on the ultimate marathon, an endless pursuit of finding and consuming every last piece of Star Wars media derived from the blood and sweat of lonely Lucasfilm employees. Save every last nickel and dime because Star Wars Land is coming to a city near you. Sell everything you own because the DLC for that new Star Wars game pairs quite nicely with your insatiable addiction to fancy laser sword duels and plucky rogue squadrons.
You think you’ve had your fill of Star Wars? This was a warmup. This was initiation. And this party don’t stop.
So do not for one second doubt waver in your faith like some sickly imperial drone.
Be not ashamed of pre-ordering cushy IMAX seats with the last few dollars in your bank account.
Sleep freely upon wintry sidewalks awaiting a movie whose quality we know nothing about.
Let not unsavory thoughts enter your mind of menacing phantoms or attacking clones.
Erase completely Star Trek Into Darkness from your cynical memories of yesteryear.
Know deep down in your carbonite heart that this one is the one for which you've been waiting.
This is our Star Wars. This is our year. And undoubtedly watching this film will literally and figuratively be like experiencing 1977 Star Wars for the very first time all over again. You know this to be true.
Do not grow weary, skeletal beings of flesh and dust. Gird your loins and prepare yourself for the greatest era to ever be alive. The age of Star Wars. The age of Enlightenment. The age of all consuming Stars and Wars all the time.
It’s a new dawn.
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