The Four People You Meet on Facebook Buy and Sell Groups

The Disappearing Act

While you begin Day 12 of scrolling through random Facebook Buy/Sell/Trade groups for the one thing you need, you see it. Whether it’s a camera lens, a car part, or a Disney pin, you find it after weeks of scrounging and praying. The heavens open, a light shines upon you from on high, and Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” blasts through your laptop speakers even though they were never one and you’re not listening to anything. You’re ecstatic, it’s like you’ve just won your own personal lottery, and it’s even in your price range!

We all know the guy who posted it. His name is like Keith or Devin or something like that. If it wasn’t for the listing that you found, you would never talk to him. But, you have to. So you message him, he messages you back, and on it goes. The dance continues until you reply with what seems like a fair offer.

Then, nothing.

Poof.

He falls off the face of the Earth. You send the occasional “Hello?” or “Is it still available?” and even contemplate lowering the price just to hear from him again. But, you can’t let him win that easy. Then, finally, you see the “SOLD” title on the original listing and your heart breaks.

You’re right back where you were a week ago. Without the one item that can make your setup complete, and with a week of messages to Devin without any to show of it.

Stupid Devin…

The Creep

Maybe it’s because you’re an attractive girl. Maybe it’s because you’re an attractive girl. Maybe it’s because you’re a person. No matter who you are, if you spend enough time messaging buyers and sellers on Facebook, you’re going to come across some creeps.

Their first message is pleasant, cordial even. The second makes you feel like they were a little more interested in you than the item. With the next one, they try to ask you about your personal life. And then, by the fourth or fifth message it sounds more like a first date than a business transaction.

You have to be nice though because they have what you need, but the Facebook-messaging, profile picture-liking, and wall-writing has become too much. No matter how interested in the product or the sale you might be, they are far too interested in you for you to go forward.

Unfortunately, you probably have to block them, unfriend them, etc. just to keep this from getting too weird. Even then, it was already too weird for you.

I’m sorry.

The Liker

You post an item, and they “like” it. You post another item, and they “like” it again. You wait for them to message you, but they don’t.

Is the seller supposed to reach out now? I know it’s 2017, and everyone’s more liberal about these kind of things, but are you supposed to make the first move in this situation? What’s he waiting for?

After a couple days without a response you start to get worried, and finally message them and ask if they’re interested.

Then, they say: “Oh no, I just thought liked the picture.”

After putting yourself out there and making a move thinking they might be interested in your sale, you get shot down just like that. Like-zoned again!

You dreamed of a future with cash, but no. The Liker breaks that dream almost immediately.

I guess it’s time to eat a whole pint of ice cream by yourself on the couch while watching sappy movies again.

The Lowballer

You post an item on your favorite Buy/Sell/Trade Facebook group just to make a little extra scratch on the side. You might not want to sell it, but your car just broke down or you forgot a bill that you had to pay this month so you need some extra cash. So, you post something on Facebook and hope to sell it for a fair price.

Yeah, that ain’t happening.

Apparently, some people on Facebook have a sixth sense for these kinds of things. Like a shark smelling blood from five miles away, Facebook buyers can sense desperation from 5,000 internet miles away.

You post your one-of-a-kind heirloom for, oh let’s say, 200 bucks, and you get a response! Wow! That was fast.

“I’m interested in buying your one-of-a-kind heirloom. Can you do $25?”

“No.”

“How bout $35?”

“Again. No.”

“$36? Final offer.”

“Sorry. I don’t think we’re going to make a deal here.”

This happens five times. You start to question your valuation, your negotiating skills, and even your own sanity. The Lowballer strikes again!

And, the Facebook Buy/Sell/Trade Groups strike again!