Things the world doesn’t know about you and things you don’t know exist
I’ve written this post three times. And three times I’ve had to delete it and start anew. You see daughter; you are too young to understand the things you don’t know exist and the world doesn’t know about you. But write I must because sometimes, truth needs no waiting time.
It’s also tricky to write on what are essentially life lessons for you because as you’re only 1+, you wouldn’t need them, till you’re older (to put it mildly). Yet, I write because I know that words from the heart have no expiry date.
The beginning of the lessons kicked off on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. It was a sunny day even for July. The type of weather that if you walked past Bancroft gardens, you would hear kids’ laughter ringing in your ears and their joyful shrieks bellowing out from messing about in the gardens’ water sprinkler.
But, on that fateful Saturday, we were not at the park. Instead, we drove 67 miles north from Hitchin, for a birthday party. There a lady seeing you for the very first time said; “oh I thought she was a boy as she has no earrings”. As someone that smiles a lot, I can tell you, I found myself in a foul mood as quickly as you exit a blocked toilet in a train station.
Now, some might say, the ‘no earrings’ remark is pretty innocuous in itself. Yes, I can see that angle– because at the end of the day — taking in good faith and viewed from the most favourable light — all remarks can be deemed innocent. I mean, what kind of unreasonable person who read more into such an “everyday” comment like how do you not dress your child in a certain way.
However, there’s nothing new in this conundrum of how girls like you should dress, behave, and think. One can say since civilisation has kept records, there are documented instances where this same topic of what’s acceptable has been the burning question.
But here’s the fundamental truth you don’t know yet; you would likely experience a strong desire to fit into the vision of what society expects of you. Society leaves hints and clues around like a messy crime scene for the sole reason to guide, break and mould you. Sometimes, it would feel like the most elaborate school play, only, in this case, you get to play permanent characters in this theatre called life.
The lioness doesn’t need someone to say she’s a lioness
Why do others follow? Because it’s easier to conform than to act on what you believe. Or on how you genuinely feel. Yes, it’s safer to get lost in the shadows as part of the crowd. Because there’s safety in being one with the many.
This is the part where you’re thinking to yourself; “what can I do to cut all this off and rid myself of distractions?”. I understand your reflex reaction. As humans, we crave order and a degree of certainty in our affairs. We also like nice, compact and straightforward explanations when things go wrong or are not quite right. However, some occurrences are inherently chaotic and unexplainable.
This is one of those. There’s no solution. And as your father, I would tell you not to bother looking for one. But don’t blindly believe me, you will find this out for yourself. Out of love, all I do say is that you focus on what you can affect and make a noticeable impact — yourself. Never throw away yourself to become what you’re not.
Let’s catch our breath and recap what this is all about. My premise is simple — you will find double standards, and unreasonable expectations to be a common occurrence in your path, as you navigate the world. Don’t take the easy option to blindly conform at the detriment of your values.
Ma Jaiye Ori mi
Ma Jaiye Ori Mi is a popular Yoruba saying which can be loosely interpreted to mean; I will enjoy my life. It signifies appreciating all the finer things life has to give. Usually by one who’s not afraid of mistakes. Because she knows mistakes happen – and there’s the other side. You remind me of this Yoruba adage every time. Because you find it so easy to laugh, very curious about everything, and absolutely love your favourite things.
Above all, no matter what happens in the future, just know you’ve been carefree and confident since 2018.
