POETRY SERIES - MIZPAH

Morning Eileen

Dedicated to Eileen Estes (1947–2020) After writing “I Wish I Was More A Blessing” to Eileen…a year after she departed

Photo by author, who placed roses as did another friend of Eileen’s, named Claudia

“…blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world.” — Mourner’s Kaddish

אבל: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא. [קהל: בריך הוא:] (Hebrew)

I. Asking for Forgiveness

After I ask Eileen to forgive me
for not being a better friend
it is as though there is a crack in the world —
my heart is able to feel,
the veil of cynicism parts.
Tears fall gently,
my heart sees again,

I find faith again.
Asking forgiveness carves out ego,
restores my soul.
I rub my chest —
so much pain holding on.
I sense my distance from certain people
over nothing that matters,
that kept me at times
from Eileen —
the slight, the annoyance.