#NotAllMen
The toughest decision to make as I start writing this article is to decide from whose perspective this article has to be written. Male, female, a victim, a supporter, or a general stance? So, I decided to start off from where this hashtag originated and look into its journey till now. I will also throw in the different perspectives of random people which will include a mix of all these mentioned categories, pretty much summing up everyone in this society. It’s up to you to decide on which side you prefer to be and I’ll try my best not to offend you.
Origin
Surprisingly, Not All Men didn’t start as a hashtag. It’s been around for more than a decade. #notallmen was tweeted in early 2011 itself, as a plea for inclusion. ‘What about men?’ was seen as a general defense. A tweet by Shafiqah Hudson in February 2013 is considered to be the first time the phrase went viral.
#notallmen happens to be a repetitive phenomenon. The Isla Vista killings of 2014 wherein a 22-year-old Elliot Rodger killed six people, injured fourteen others and then killed himself near the campus of the University of California witnessed a surge in the use of this hashtag. This incident went viral because the murderer expressed his hatred against women, even though only two of the six casualties were women. Following the killing spree, the attacker’s internet activity was described as misogynistic, and hatred of women was cited as a factor in the killing spree. In the wake of the killings, some Twitter users pointed out the fact that “not all men” are like this, or would commit such crimes.
In response to the #notallmen, an anonymous Twitter user created the hashtag #YesAllWomen, to express that all women face sexism, misogyny and other forms of discrimination in one way or the other.
The Bengaluru incident, where after mass molestation occurred on new year’s eve, #notallmen became trending on Twitter. And there’s the most recognized #metoo movement. For every #metoo, there’s a #notallmen.
What do people say?
Here’s the opinion of some people on the hashtag. This is merely a collection of opinions on the Internet to showcase the different sentiments that people have towards the hashtag.
1. I don’t have an opinion since it doesn't really affect me.
2. Actually I don’t have any opinion on politics, feminism, equality and stuff like that. I don’t know why. Even if it’s about the LGBTQ community, I don’t know what to say.
3. There’s a misconception that in India, all men do is rape but that’s not true. For example, men are also subjected to domestic violence. If a man is abused by a woman, he’d never disclose it. Even if he says something about it, either people laugh at him or don’t take him seriously. Importance is given to the woman’s complaint, it’s her word against his. Remember when Amber Laura Heard filed a case against Johnny Depp for domestic violence and he was considered the villain for a long time. It was only after an investigation that he was proven innocent and she was found guilty of the very crime she accused him of.
4. I have seen men passing these comments like, women are so serious, or women are cheaters, etc. You see they don’t think that all women are like that but they still generalize. It’s so frustrating at times but I do agree not all men are to be blamed. In fact, I’m a woman who has a fantastic line of men in my life but even then we are here fighting against the centuries-old patriarchy.
5. Well, yes, not all men are the same. But if and when a guy comes forward to speak up about the assault they faced, we never hear a woman go, like “oh, not all women are like that, what about good women out there?”. So, I think it’s pointless to bring up #notallmen when someone brings up the courage to speak about their trauma.
6. There are a few women who when they speak about their experience generalize and target men as a whole. Generalizing is the wrong thing to do, be it men/women.
7. Well, I think there are good men in society. But if a man says #notallmen, I’m not really going to take them on their word, am I?
8. Even though the hashtag seems to reflect innocence and consciousness in being accused, it is nothing but underlying misogyny. No accusation targets an entire group, the same holds for any abuse where the women speak out about men, it doesn’t mean all men. If you are not a man who harms women, then you don’t have to announce that all men are not guilty. The fair thing to do is support the women who dared to come out and that shows your respect towards them.
9. Well, feminism never says “all men”. But we don’t know “which men” either. So if you feel attacked, then you probably are one and if you have been nothing but decent, then you should have no reason to worry. We impose rules and laws for everyone despite not everyone being a criminal right?
10. They don’t have a hashtag every time we say out our issues. It’s just a lame way to say they ain’t responsible instead of acting upon the issue. It’s just annoying to see people use ‘not all men’ when the feeling of safety is more or less the same for every single woman out there.
So we have people who have a strong opinion, a not so sure where they stand opinion and people with no opinion. But what’s the right thing to do? Is #notallmen relevant?
Is this hashtag of any help?
Evidently, it’s not. All it does is derail the focus from the actual issue. Why isn’t it helpful? Well, for a lot of reasons.
First of all, women know. They do know that not all men are rapists, murderers or creeps. There’s no need to tell them or remind them.
Second, a woman working up the courage to speak up about the trauma she went through is no small feat, especially in this world of victim-blaming. When somebody pops out saying #notallmen, it does not further the conversation, rather only side-tracks the main problem. People have to understand that the discussion is not about men who aren’t a problem. There’s no need to get defensive. Try being quiet for a while and listen to what all these women have to say. Understand the depth of the problem.
How many times have you turned back while walking on a lonely street at night because you were scared that somebody was following you? Did you ever have the fear of getting groped in public places? Have you ever felt uncomfortable because somebody has been staring at you for a long time or have been passing comments about you and catcalling you while you were walking back to your home?
Well, growing up I have experienced all these fears on a day-to-day basis. You might be a decent guy but how do I know that. We know that not all men are bad but we don’t know which group you belong to. For us, you’re just a stranger and we don’t know how good or how dangerous you are. Having to live with constant fear is hard. Being a woman is hard.
Men are victims too
Men are victims of sexual abuse too. In our society, boys are fed with ideas of toxic masculinity from a very young age onwards. Due to this, the male survivors have to go through a lot of pain. The idea of a man being a victim and being vulnerable doesn’t go well with society’s idea of the “ideal man”.
Sexual violence is an issue that should be gender-neutral. But is this claim an excuse for #notallmen? If you think it is, you should know that all this does is reduce the importance of addressing the issue of sexual harassment and abuse women face. You can’t blame it on women alone, it’s the society that stigmatizes men with toxic masculinity and festers sexist ideology. Here change is required in the society, not in the women who raise their voice against discrimination.
What can we do?
#notallmen is useless only when you put it in the wrong place. There are instances where you can say not all men and it's indeed useful.
When someone says, women are supposed to look after the home and raise children and men are supposed to earn, tell them #notallmen think that’s right.
When somebody says men will be men, tell them #notallmen supports the idea.
When someone says boys shouldn’t cry, they should be strong, tell them #notallmen preach toxic masculinity.
It’s not women against men. It’s us against prejudice, sexism, misogyny and patriarchy. This fight is not just for women, it’s for us and generations yet to come. This battle has to be won for the greater good, and it’s possible only if we are together in this. So there are no men and women, it’s just us.
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