Online Classes and Related Absurdities: An Anecdote
Itttttttt is March (eyes roll approximately 135°). Yet another academic year is coming to an end and just as usual, teachers have started cramming students with tests, assignments, seminars, and whatnot (at times I wonder if they have a manual just for stressing students). Panic steps in as the number of hours decrease and the number of books and pages increase. With extra classes for every subject, additional coaching, working overtime with slumped shoulders and tired eyes and dark circles, students going haywire for attendance, more events, and nearing deadlines (Yeah I know, it sounds a lot like PUBG, trying hard to stay alive. Eye roll repeats).
Hmm yes… In short, students are heavily burdened and of course, we need to breathe! We badly want a break and ta-da…
Breaking News 1: Due to the onset of a deadly virus in the community, all educational institutions are to remain shut from March 11 until further notice.
Voila! Thank you coronavirus! We were so happy that classes were suspended. No more pressure, assignments, and lectures. How about we go catch a movie?
Breaking News 2: All places of gathering including parks, cinema halls, malls, religious worship centers, etc to remain closed too.
Uhmm okay… Not what I had in mind. Nevermind… I can still stay at home. Chill, relax, and binge watch a couple of series.
Breaking News 3: India will be under complete lockdown. Social distancing is the only way to break the cycle of infection.
Haan… It’s fine. I will cook a little, dance a little, tik-tok a little more, sleep a lot more *yawn*.
At this point, my parents were fed up with me lazing around. The usual household talk of how electricity and phone bills had gone up kept echoing across the hall every hour. I kept silently praying for my classes to start while my parents continued to nag me, asking me to spend at least a quarter of my screen time to ‘studies’. ‘With no signs of exams around the corner, what other than Netflix do you think can keep me up, Mom?’ Oh… maybe a round of Ludo (smiling sheepishly). Now, as if nothing was going on, assignments started to flow in and they came in plenty. Corona or tsunami, ‘assignments need to be submitted on time’ has become the motto of our country.
Almost two months have gone by and everything about my routine has changed. Every day is a re-telecast of yesterday’s episode ‘Eat, Phone, and Sleep’.
Guess my ‘all-understanding’ college faculties took it as their duty to bridge the gap between me, my friends, and my college life.
Solution: Online classes.
Wait a second, who mentioned anything about missing classes? No sir, you got me wrong. I was only mentioning my friends.
Online classes will start on June 1. We’ll be following the given timetable from 8:30 to 1:30. Attendance will be taken.
And thus started the online class phase (I’m done with this pandemic season already).
From 8:30? That meant waking up early, ughh. The next obvious question was ‘Do we have to switch on our videos?’ Oops, that’s not gonna be nice (thoughts of me looking like a zombie, drooling). Now, where were my books? Good question (flashback, black and white images). The last time I touched them was during the last day of college. Yes! I found them dumped in one corner of my room. Kudos to myself.
How about I take you to a day in an online class through a drama sequel?
Drama: A day in an online class. All characters are intentionally made fictional.
The class should have started at 8:30. Sir is late. After 15 mins, the link to google meet magically appears in the class group.
(Around 8:50)
Sir: Hello, can you hear me?
Me: Yes sir. You are audible.
Sir: Let’s wait for 5 more mins for others to join.
(9:10: After 10 mins of lecture)
Loud and clear noise from some forgotten, unmuted mic.
Sir: Everyone mute your mics.
Same time on WhatsApp.
Akash: Did you hear that?
Sandra: No.
Danil: Saaandraaa.
Sandra: Shush, no one knows it’s me.
Johan: Could you ask sir to let me in?
Ishaan: Yeah me too!
Back in class.
Me: Sir… people are waiting for you to let them in.
(5 minutes after being in, Johan delivers a message to everybody)
Johan to everyone: How boring could this guy’s classes be? :/
(Everyone shocked)
Sir: Johan, are you there?
(A creepy silence and we hear crickets laughing hard)
Back to class.
Sir: So, I’ll stop here for today. I think for 5 hours of class, you only need 1 GB of data right? That means I can take an extra hour.
Danil to everyone: Sir… ingane thallalle. (Translation: Don’t exaggerate this much)
(Everyone including sir laughs. Anand has joined)
Due to poor connectivity sir has left the meeting.
Chris: Okay, sir has gone. Akash, you continue the class.
(Everyone chants Akash… Akash…)
Akash: Alright guys!! Capacitors are tiny devices that are used in labs that look like disabled water towers.
Johan: Sir, doubt. What is pF and why is p smaller than F?
Akash: It’s because Phineas is smaller than Ferb (from Phineas and Ferb show)
(Sir re joined)
Sir: What is DSP? Somebody answer.
(None respond. That does not come under our Disney syllabus.)
Sir: I’ll call someone then. Who is Thanos? What all names have you put as id? Babu frik, LOL, Joey, Pivot, Unagi?
(Due to connectivity issues, sir left the meeting)
(Ishan enters. A maximum limit of 100 has been reached and hence sir is unable to enter)
Ishaan: Finally I’m in! Wait… so who’s conducting the class?
WhatsApp message: Today’s class has been canceled.
Yayyyy!!
WhatsApp message: The same class will be conducted on Sunday.
Ughhh!!!
Ishaan: Sir I joined when you left. Will I get my attendance??
(Credits: Students of MEC)
But here’s the bitter truth.
Nothing can be compared to actual classes. I miss my class (sobbing). I remember how my friends never let me sleep peacefully during class, poking me (being the villains between me and my sleep). How a fresh packet of Hide and Seek vanished during class hours and how I was still hungry (I am always hungry). How I used to colour the back page of my notebooks and play xox and bingo. I used to feel bad for the backbenchers, the favourite ones of every teacher. Finding people sleeping, understanding nothing as the modules kept switching. You never know the value of something until it is no more. During college days all I wanted to do was go home and now, I wish to go back to college. Phone calls or video calls, nothing can beat the time spent with my friends at college. But the best memory was skipping classes for a tea break that extended almost for an hour. Be it Sweet Palace, Royals or our beloved canteen. Be it coffee, juju, or tea. The breeze would simply carry away the burden of those weary classes.
Ah, that’s what a class looks like, not people in pajamas in front of a camera! Online classes are just sleeping through the entire class and hoping no one finds out and praying that your teacher will not call out your name and ask you questions (lol!)
Here, take a piece of free advice — Always have a stack of food on the table. Never go hungry especially while stu(dying).
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