WHAT I DID DURING QUARANTINE
(Warning: It’s not much)
Life.
Who knew, huh? To think we’ve been imprisoned by an insignificant microscopic demon-spawn virus. Makes you wonder…
Now, like many of you wonderful readers, I too was a regular human being who complained on a daily basis about not having time for anything… For assignments, learning for tests, spending quality time with family… But now that I’ve got enough time in hand….
I still don’t do any of those things. Go figure.
Face it people. I’m a liar. Never trust a word that comes out of my mouth. It’s not worth your time. Run away while you still can!
So guys… It was last week that this realisation dawned upon me, which led to me thinking…. What DID I do this quarantine?
1. Thinking.
Hey guys, how cool would it be if the past tense of think was thank? Wait. Can you burp and fart at the same time? Why can’t Nutella come in 1 litre bottles? I should probably do some freelance work. HAHAHHAHAHAHAA. That was funny, I’m hilarious. Hmm. Why would William Shakespeare invent the word ‘assassination’? So weird. DAMMIT WHY DID CAESAR HAVE TO DIEEEEE!!!???
I kid you not dear reader, this was an actual trail of thought that I had the other day. The most random things invoke the most random questions in my brain. It doesn’t help if your sister has pretty much the same brain as yours. Then you’d start discussing these thoughts. You’d start discussing your plans for mass destruction after breakfast one morning and by the time both of you are done, it’s bedtime…of the next day.
Ah. One day we’ll rule you all, peasants. With our diabolical plans for each country, we’ll conqu-
OHHHHH this is why assassinations happen. I got it. Carry on.
2. Sleeping
Yep. Mostly I sleep. I slept so much this quarantine that my body has now made plans to trade places with a cat because honestly by this point, cats do more work than me.
I sleep so much now my parents are astonished I get up at all. One time I swear I woke up at precisely 12:52 PM. You might think I stay up at night. Nope. I sleep all night AND all day.
I worry about myself sometimes.
Which leads us to our next point.
3. Getting sick
Guys. Speaking from experience here. IF YOU SLEEP TOO MUCH, SO WILL YOUR ORGANS! You do NOT want to get sick in the middle of quarantine. Your neighbours will start looking at you viciously, or close all their windows near your side of the house, or just call 112.
“Hello 112? There’s a rogue COVID-19 patient running loose and she’s next door. Kindly do the needful. “
Sigh. Neighbours. If you’d like to read more about these wonderful aunties who live next door to make things miserable for you, check out this cool article:
But well, one good thing about quarantine is that your mum is home. No matter what the illness, she always knows what medicine to use and where to find it.
“Amma! TUMMY ACHE! “
“Carmicide. Second shelf. First cupboard to your left. “
“AMMMAAAAAAAAAAAA cramps!”
“Meftal. Box over the fridge.”
“Amma! I cut my finger.”
“IT’S A TINY CUT, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!”
I would point out that I’m not in fact a man, but sadly my brain thinks that I’m a strong independent woman who is no less than a man. Sigh.
But let’s face it. No medicine beats getting a hug from good old mum. That’s the secret medicine right there.
4. Reading
Being at home, when you are as useless as me, your parents would naturally try to at least get you out of the way so that they can get something productive done. So what do they say?
“Hey you useless fellow. Go study. “
‘Well,’ I think, ‘the semester exams are coming up and I really need to catch up, so might as well…’
So I go upstairs to my room. Sadly, I have to pass my beautiful bookshelf on the way. Unconsciously, my hand reaches out for a book every time and I start flipping through the pages. I’d suddenly become so engrossed in the book that mum would find me curled up with it in some corner of the house a few hours later.
“PUT DOWN THE BOOK FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU’VE READ IT A THOUSAND TIMES! “
“I will, it’s almost over”
Fast forward to 1:00 AM.
“WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THAT BOOK?!”
“Amma this is not that book!”
“Oh you’re studying… well it is late now so-”
“This is the sequel.”
5. Online Classes, Assignments and Tests.
Yeah. I got nothing.
I need to tell you, I’ve got a phone whose screen is so cracked, it would put any decent spiderweb to shame. Naturally, the screens the teacher shares with me looks pretty much like play-dough poking through fishing nets.
Also, the stupid phone would decide to shut down at the most inappropriate times. Like, just as I’m about to finish cam-scanning my answer sheet, or right when I’m replying to a question from the teacher. Plus, my net sucks so bad, when I’m on a zoom call, at times the teacher just freezes.
I’m thinking, ‘Hm. This is awkward, I was just understanding wha-’
And suddenly the screen unfreezes and the teacher finishes her sentence IN FAST FORWARD. Like in ads - when they say the “T&C apply” part. And by the time I figure THAT out, I would’ve forgotten what her actual sentence was. So hurrah to me and my endless efforts at un-productivity.
6. Drooling
Now one thing about quarantine is that I check every single Whatsapp status. And guys. You won’t believe the number of people who’ve turned into good cooks.
Oh wait. You have, too? Sigh. Good for you.
So what do I do? I sit and stare and drool at these delicacies and ponder in self pity.
“But wait, Lakshmi, can’t you try cooking yourself, now that you’re home all the time? “
Well, guys. That’s pretty much what I did, and judging by the fact that you made it to the end of this article, I’m guessing you’re pretty jobless too. So… SNAP OUT OF IT, DUMBO! Do something with your life!
We all know that one way or the other, we’re going to miss this quarantine. So I implore you, don’t waste your time by doing nothing. Keep trying new things, help in chores, evoke the chef in you, or just prepare for what lies ahead.
In simpler, wiser and more enlightening yet thought provoking words, I quote Ellen DeGeneres, “Just keep swimming.”
