#MENINISM:
A CALL TO ARMS
by Vivian T.
Because according to the Second Amendment, we all have a right to bear arms. It is the right of my male companions to be able to show their luscious, muscled shoulders and elbows in public without being sexualized and pawed by near-menopausal women. Yuck.
Calling all citizens! It is 2015 — now is the time for men and women to rise against the tyranny of popular feminism and its despotic criticism of masculinity — it is time for us to grow a pair, slip on a $22.99 ‘#MENINIST’ tee and march against the evil matriarchy.
Serfs, I decree, run out to the cul-de-sacs of your suburban prison, this modern Bastille, and hear your fellow man cry out:
“I am a #Meninist, and I demand equality!”
Tell your brethren about the struggles of modern man, tell them about all that we stand for — all that “feminism(feminazism?)” does not. Doth she care for the young lad, stolen of his virginal purity? Doth she praise the under-6-feet brother that worships her so reverently, doth she give him a chance? Or does she shun him to the putrid depths of the formidable FriendZone and revoke all his opportunity, and tell him that he deserved the rape, that he was asking for it? You tell me.
“I can’t even begin to describe the oppression. They made me renounce all things associated with males. I had to conform to their ideology — it was very disillusioning and traumatizing. I feel like a Tutsi during the Rwandan genocide tbh, discriminated against cuz of my chromosomes. I feel like a Jew in Auschwitz. I feel like a communist in America. I just can’t do anything…”
“…They castrated me as well,” an anonymous source comments. It seems that the act was part of an initiation ritual to prove one’s loyalty to the regime, and the sacrifice: a sign of comradeship. Our witness had defected recently and risks his life by providing us with these harrowing quotes. Brutal. Better call the UN to report on human rights violations.
Take a gander, citizens, look to the truth of my witness’ statements, and you will understand the #meninist cause — why I, a citizen of the XX chromosome, take to your side—instead of wallowing in female privilege. Those radicals promote an insane culture of double standards and blatant misandry, and it is only right that men get the same respect for speaking out as well. Stop feminazi propaganda from infiltrating the minds of our youth. Don’t let the babblings of women’s rights corrupt the minds of your sons and daughters.
The terror must end. The final guillotine blade must fall upon those who called for the severing of the patriarch snake’s head — they will repent for all the injustice brought upon the male peoples, and soon.
Goodbye womanly privilege, tampons, rouge, and my copy of Vogue Hommes Japan. I’m here to take on a worthy existence — making sure men don’t get shunned in conversation when they make an ignorant comment (I know you were denied proper education as a youth, it’s not your fault you never learned to love yourself. I’m sorry our demands for a strong macho man have pussified you to the point where you have become a sad deprived soul that can’t even cry in public in fear of being called a sap). I’m here to pry you from the dystopian nightmare you were condemned — I’m the one who will grip you tight and raise you from perdition.
Fear no more.
#Meninism is here advocating for male survival, to make sure the feminazis don’t terrorize your species into extinction. They won’t get the elysian female paradise they’re hoping to achieve; the regime will collapse, fall, burn — along with it the values of bourgeois feminism, intersectional equality, POC solidarity, and the despicable hatred they have towards old cisgender white men. If we burn, you burn with us. *fire emoji*
P.S. — No, #meninist is totally not a conglomeration of the words “meningitis” and “leninist”. #H8RsGonnaH8 #byebitch #meninism5eva
