Bringing Grit Home
The “on-demand” generation needs a lesson in resilience
When hiring or interviewing, we not only look at a candidate’s skills, achievements, and experience but also at their potential. Will they be proactive and positive in the workplace? Do they have the grit and resilience to overcome obstacles and challenges? Will they use their role as a springboard to success?
Yet then we (and this includes me!) go home to helicopter and coddle our children, telling them they’ve won just for showing up. In games, in sport, and in school, we offer excessive praise for even minimal effort.
The very idea of “grit” seems at odds with this new age of immediate gratification. Children are so used to having their parents involved in their every move and to having everything “on-demand” that they rarely have to wait or struggle.
We thus end up with sore losers who don’t want to play board games unless they win. Children who cannot fall down and get up again on their own. Or obstinate children who only agree to go to soccer practice if they get a babycino and cupcake on the way home.
The reality is that falling, failing, and struggling are all part of life. We revere individuals who have overcome the hardest of challenges throughout their careers yet we go out of our way to remove every obstacle from our children’s paths. These missteps are the paths to mastery, whether it be a sport, a game or a new academic concept. And mastery creates a virtuous cycle of confidence.
The fact is, we all remember our first massive failure. The one on the big stage — where we played the wrong note, missed the opportunity to score in the last minute, or simply bombed an exam. For me, it was the second-grade town spelling bee. After a few successes at the school spelling bee, I felt overly confident entering the town competition. I wanted to win so badly. I was chosen to go first, stood up for my word, and proceeded to spell although “a-l-l-t-h-o-u-g-h.” My parents sighed. I had to sit on the stage, completely out of the running and burning with embarrassment, through that whole damn spelling bee. But I never forgot that moment. It taught me a valuable lesson in preparation and hubris. In the long run, it made me grittier.
It’s up to us parents to take some of the cotton wool padding away from our children. To love them without smothering or helicoptering. To encourage them to put themselves out there, face down their fears, and conquer them. The next generation will need endless curiosity, tenacity, and drive to solve the complex problems headed their way. The same traits that we admire in our colleagues should ultimately be fostered in our own children.
