The Journey of a “Mummy Driver”
How to capture small moments of learning and joy on the road
I have a mixed relationship with driving in the UK. The roads are narrow and crowded with on-street parking, roundabouts are often free-for-alls, and speed cameras abound in 20mph zones.
Even obtaining a license in the UK was tricky vs the US. The overall pass rate is just under 45% in the UK vs my home state of Connecticut which passes around 65%. In the States, I answered a few theory questions on a computer and then drove my mom’s station wagon around the block as a teen. Pass!
Fifteen years later, the English test was a very different story. While the theory test was fair enough, the practical driving test was intense. My first road test went well except for a parallel parking manoeuvre at the end where I failed to check all of my mirrors. Fail. The second test was abysmal as I was so nervous after the first failure. I flew into a roundabout without looking and then dinged the side mirror of my instructor’s car into a bus as it squeezed me off a narrow road. Fail again. The third time I was so pregnant I could barely reach the wheel. The test administrator felt sorry for me and said he just wanted to end the exam as he wasn’t prepared to deliver a baby. Success at last!
After years of avoiding driving using the reliable combination of BabyBjorn and double buggy to transport my three children, I had to get back behind the wheel. The children were simply too big and had too much “kit” to carry around.
So now we find ourselves in the family SUV whenever walking, cycling or scooting are impractical. We are in the car so often my daughter calls me “Mummy Driver,” which I keep forgetting to add to my LinkedIn profile. I’ve become better at parallel parking, but still panic in tight spots. I’ve learned to laugh when the driver of a Range Rover shouts “Get a smaller car, mate!” as we battle for the single lane on a narrow road.
The car has become a sanctuary for family and friends. In a busy day it provides fleeting moments of bonding time. It serves as a place to share a snack or even share feelings. The car can also be a space to read a story, do some homework or have a rest after a long day. The kids often discover a new favourite song on the radio. They ask questions about that morning’s news. Ideally no one is on a device and everyone gets a chance to speak.
A friend once mentioned her children spoke more freely in the car because they did not have to make eye contact with the driver or the other passengers (more on this here). In fact, sometimes the kids forget we are there and have ridiculous personal conversations or silly arguments. Adults up front may also chat openly, failing to remember the children are often listening intently (e.g. “Bobby’s mummy said what again, Mummy?”). We end up learning quite a lot about one another as a result.
Despite often finding the process of driving children stressful (car seats take forever to secure, finding parking is a hassle, the kids often bicker), I am a better and more confident driver now than I was in the US. I’ve learned to slow down and enjoy the moments where the children are excited to share what’s coming up at school that morning. I can feel their relief as they unpack their emotions at pick-up time. A good discussion in the car often means the children get everything out of their systems and arrive at their next destination better-prepared for whatever the day may hold in store.
A lot more family time takes place in the car than we think. Small trips can provide a highly impactful few minutes of the day with children. So try to enjoy the journey.
