Minimalist principles put into parenting
There’s a new trend in town; he keeps to itself, doesn’t say much, but what he does say, will change your life. His name is “minimalism” and he’s actually been around for quite a while, but the (current) masses didn’t latch on to his cool, Zen-like ways until the last couple of years, a movement due in large part to cult star Marie Kondo and her best-selling book encouraging readers to roll their thoughtfully chosen socks and underwear like “sushi” and say “thank you, now goodbye” to objects bound for the trash can.
Others like childhood-friend-team Josh and Ryan who run The Minimalists and Rachel over at theminimalistmom.com take the less philosophical, more value-oriented approach of drastically cutting expenses and rejecting consumerism to pay off debt, have more time, energy and enjoyment.
All three could make the claim, “I knew minimalism when he wasn’t famous!” But, don’t let that dissuade you from hopping on the bandwagon. The people on this particular bandwagon have way less junk than other bandwagons, so there’s lots of room. And even though that was an attempt at a joke, it actually sums up what minimalism is all about: have less “stuff” you don’t want, and make room for the relationships and experiences that bring true and lasting joy.
As a single parent of one, I feel lucky that my number-one priority in life is my relationship with my daughter — my role in life is pretty easy to define. So when I hear that I can just trade in a bunch of crap for hours of enriching playtime, conversation, reading and bonding as a parent, I get excited. It’s a no-brainer. Where do I sign up?
Minimalism is such a simple concept on its face, but it takes energy, practice and discipline to implement; three things that busy parents may often find in short supply. Consumerism, marketing, exhaustion, addiction, plus all the classic trappings of a hectic modern life, can stand in the way of even our most sincere efforts to improve our relationships with our children.
Think about it this way — when I’m tired (most likely from cleaning and organizing all of our toys and junk), and I happen to be meandering down the toy aisle — I’m thinking, ok which one of these things will keep June busy and buy me the most time (so I can deal with all of our toys and junk or recover/distract myself from organizing all our toys and junk)? So I pick another toy, and some other junk, and I feel like I’ve somehow solved a problem.
What I’ve really done is expand my current problem and feed a cycle that keeps me away from the people and experiences I love (family and my daughter) and keeps me spending more time with the stuff that means nothing to me (toys and junk.)
And when you look at the nitty-gritty, it gets even gloomier: the more I send June away to play while I “clean,” the less I talk to her. The less I talk to her, the less number of words are spoken between us, and before I know it I’ve fallen short in a critical parenting category.
Not only that, I pour my time and energy into managing stuff, and expenses, and extra work hours to cover those expenses. So there is less time and energy for activities and outings. Turns out all of these toys, magazines, shoes, subscriptions, cable packages and infinity scarves are costing me a lot more than their price tag would imply.
The outlook probably seems dismal at this point, but luckily there is a fix. All three aforementioned experts recommend a quick, drastic ripping off of the proverbial Band-Aid that is our stuff. Marie recommends moving categorically through your house, dumping everything on the floor and keeping only the objects which spark joy. Rachel from theminimalistmom.com donated a whopping 80% of her wardrobe in one sitting, gaining hours of time, energy and freedom from ever dealing with those articles of clothing again.
The Minimalists came up with a “packing party” idea wherein participants pack (almost) the entire contents of their house, and only take out the things they find they really need on a daily basis. Everything else, you can do without and for our purposes, “everything else” will no-doubt take away time and energy from your values and responsibilities as a parent.
One of the most important freedoms in life is the freedom to live according to our values. This is no more true or important in any arena than in parenting. When we feel something or someone is taking away our ability to do so, it can cause us to act out, get mad, get depressed or give up without even realizing why.
We value our children’s futures. So when we as parents empower ourselves to eliminate and live without all the junk and “extras” which truly are unnecessary, our children benefit in ways that will extend beyond childhood and into their education and career. More time, more energy, more words, more interactions: they add up. See? You really can get something from nothing.
This piece was originally posted at VersaMe.com. VersaMe created the Starling the world’s first wearable engagement tracker that helps encourage and reinforce positive parenting behaviors.
