The One Thing That Can Make Your Baby Smart

Knowing that I am working on a wearable education device that hopes to make smart babies by getting parents to talk more, friends have started to ask me variants of the question, “What counts when I’m talking to my baby?” Most parents intuitively understand that not all words spoken in the presence of a child are created equal. And words are largely a proxy for engagement.

While we may never fully understand the nuances of all of the factors (distance, tone, word diversity, word complexity, etc.) that affect quality, here are some rules of thumb that I’m confident will stand the test of time:

Good:

• Eye Contact: This is the gold standard. If your baby is making eye contact while you’re talking then you are both highly engaged. Eye contact means you’re probably close or in physical contact, which helps strengthen the emotional parent-child bond.
• FaceTime: I’m not aware of any studies on this, but when my daughters talk to their grandparents on FaceTime they are fully engaged. In my mind this counts nearly as much as face to face contact because both sides are actively responding to one another. Even my seven-month-old Caroline smiles when grandma says hi to her on my iPhone.
• Reading, Part I: Reading is great for making smart babies. There are a number of things at work when you read to your child. First, they’re likely really close by. Second, they’re likely engaged — kids’ books are bright and colorful. Third, reading simply exposes children to a large volume of words. The average child listens to about 15,000 words per day, but 30 minutes of stories adds up to about 4000–5000 words. Fourth, children’s books have an incredibly diverse vocabulary. Reading a book out loud exposes babies to words they never hear during the course of normal conversation.
• Reading, Part II: Whenever interacting with my kids I always try to pay attention to their level of engagement. When reading, try following the words with your finger, pointing at pictures, or asking questions about the plot to your child. Each of those simple actions goes a long way toward keeping them highly engaged so they get the most out of the experience.

Less Good:

• Cell Phone: If you are talking on your phone, at best babies can only hear half of your conversation. It’s highly unlikely that they’re not paying attention because you aren’t engaging with them.
• Television: Plenty of studies have shown that words coming from your TV (or any screen) don’t really have any impact on your baby’s brain development. Why not? Well I don’t know about you, but when I sit down and watch TV my brain more or less turns off. It’s effortless to watch TV because you are entirely passive, which makes for an enjoyable experience but does nothing to stimulate brain development. Don’t worry, it’s not universally bad — I am sure a limited amount of Sesame Street or Curious George is beneficial!
• Smartphone or Computer: If you are engrossed in a screen, it’s highly unlikely you are talking much to your kids. Further, anything you do say is likely to be short, un-engaging and generally low quality. When I say “uh huh” three times followed by “one more minute” a few more times that probably isn’t doing much for anyone.
• Child on your lap: There’s a few variants of this one I can think of (e.g. child in a stroller). What happens when your child is really close by but not really paying attention? For example, what happens if two adults are talking to each other while a child is sitting on one of their laps? This is a tough one, but the research indicates that it doesn’t count for much. Why? Probably because the child isn’t engaged. If you sat through four years of engineering classes at Stanford but read cooking magazines the entire time you probably wouldn’t learn much about engineering. In other words, having a deep philosophical conversation while your baby sits in your lap chewing on a toy probably isn’t doing much for her brain development.

While there are an infinite number of scenarios every parent faces, I hope these examples help clarify what constitutes quality engagement. Just remember: All things in moderation. It’s perfectly ok to not talk to your baby every second of the day. At the same time, letting a 15-month old binge watch Season 3 of Peppa Pig on Netflix everyday probably isn’t great for brain development either.

Nobody is perfect, especially not me, but hopefully these rules of thumb help clarify things some.

This piece was originally posted at VersaMe.com. VersaMe created the Starling the world’s first wearable engagement tracker that helps encourage and reinforce positive parenting behaviors.