How to Make Some Good Fuckin’ Pasta Sauce

Whether you’re a full-blooded dago or one of those medigans

If Italians are known for one thing, it’s a baffling compulsion to prop up fascist strongmen. If we’re known for another thing, it’s excellent food!

Now, what I’m gonna do right now is I’m gonna walk you through the whole process of making some authentic spaghetti gravy. Or sauce if you want. (I’m not going to get into that debate, and I have mixed feelings about the whole thing.) I mean good sauce! Nothing fancy. And not like the shit you get at The Olive Garden or god forbid out of a jar. I’m talking Sunday Gravy, like something you’d see sociopaths eating in a Martin Scorsese movie.

First thing’s first, here’s your list of ingredients:

I like Wegmans. They’re pretty good.

• A bunch of one-pound cans of tomato sauce
  Like three or five. You can use regular sauce, crushed pureed tomatoes, whole tomatoes, or some combination. Don’t worry about peeling or slow-roasting fresh tomatoes or anything like that. That’s not what we do.
• A can of tomato paste
  Like, one of those little 6oz jawns
• Some onions