Though You’ve Already Drifted Off, the Beddy Biscuit Sleep App™ Has a Few More Things to Say
It is all very helpful and useful and you are grateful for it
“First of all, you desperately need the Beddy Biscuit Sleep App™. Since you’ve been streaming TikTok videos for the last hour and a half, we will happily play this lullaby version of Doja Cat’s ‘Say So’ while we still have your subconscious attention.”
“We are obviously Very Important to your continued health. Do not assume that just because you feel so exhausted that you will be able to fall asleep Without Us. Don’t kid yourself. You Need Us.”
“You snore, just like they’ve been telling you. The Beddy Biscuit Sleep App™ cannot help you with this problem, though our podcast ad copy may seem to imply that maybe we can. Consider this a disclaimer in that regard. The decibels of your snore are a problem, and you should have it checked by one of our Beddy Biscuit Sleep Specialists™.”
“The only way to be happy is to buy the things you want, even if those things are too expensive and you can’t afford them. You still have credit, don’t you? And you should use the credit to buy the things. (We recommend buying the Premium Biscuit Sleep Service™. Start with that. The first 43 hours are absolutely free, and you will not be…
