Talking to Children

I was working with a client last week and he mentioned how his daughter had been having tantrums and being argumentative, I gave him some suggestions which might help, and I thought you might find them useful too.
Often conflict arises when the party feel they have no choice. One solution around this is to provide them with a selection that still meets your needs.
Here are some examples:
Getting out the house:
Did you want to put your coat on first or your shoes?
Bedtimes:
Would you like to go to bed now or in 5 minutes?
Eating:
Did you want to eat the carrots or the peas first?
I hope you get the drift. I can’t guarantee it works 100% of the time but I know it can help in lots of occasions that would otherwise result in some conflict.
Personal Fav
I’ll also add a personal favourite that still works, even for my 11 year old. Ready?
“How quickly can you get upstairs to brush your teeth?”
Or,
“Who’s the first to get upstair and ready for bed?”
My kids hear this and they are up those stairs in seconds. It’s so effective that it’s like you are the master of some dark mind magic.
And one final gem:
“I do not want you to go and wash your hands for dinner.”
Trust me. My 3 laugh and rush to wash their hands. Kids often love doing what they are told not to. In addition children don’t often process the ‘not’ and simple focus on the instruction part of the sentence. How often have you said or heard said: don’t run (and they run); don’t fall (and they fall).
Play around with these ideas and see what works and feels right for you. Let me know how you get on!
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About the Author
Ben Jackson is the owner of The Parent and Pupil Coach delivering behavioural change programmes for 10-16 year olds. He coaches for leadership and transition for career parents and is regularly contributing to webinars and articles.

