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Five Ways New Moms Can Avoid Putting Their Mental Health at Risk

We all know the importance of self-care. And unlike what the internet will tell you, it’s often more than just going to a spa or getting a manicure.

Self-care can also mean making decisions to keep your mental health out of harm’s way.

Maintaining your mental health is especially important as you move through the post-partum period and beyond. We as mothers have so many external forces that can affect our mental well-being, and the stress of a newborn makes it that much harder to keep on an even keel.

With that in mind, here are a few tips for new moms that I found to be helpful:

1. Identify your support system before you give birth. I cannot stress the importance of having a support system enough. Think about it this way: when you’re planning your wedding, you create a wedding party or bridal squad. These are the folks who will help you get ready for your wedding and, if any hiccups occur, they will help resolve them so you can focus on what’s important. Yes, planning a wedding and taking care of a newborn is completely different, but both require some level of support for the major players involved. So make a mental — or actual! — note about who you would like to be part of your mommy squad.
2. Don’t compare your life to other moms on social media. You know who I’m talking about. Those moms who look as though they have their shit all the way together. Their social media feeds make it look like they legit “woke up like this.” Hair, nails, makeup, no spit-up on their clothes — the whole nine yards. Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with people posting great pictures of themselves. What I’m saying is you shouldn’t beat yourself up because you don’t look like them. Being a mother isn’t easy, and it certainly isn’t glamorous. So don’t make yourself feel bad by scrolling through their feeds and putting pressure on yourself to look a certain way. The reality is that we don’t always have our shit together, because we’re human — and that’s okay! So what if you had your hair in a grandma bun and a little spillage of breastmilk/formula on your shirt when you greeted the UPS guy. That’s mom life! We take it one day at a time, and we do the best we can.
3. Think about healing your body post-pregnancy rather than focusing on getting that “pre-baby body” back. When you get the okay from your doctor to “resume all physical activities,” don’t pressure yourself into going back to your original workout routine right away. Consider starting out with exercises to help with lower back pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, and issues related to sciatica and diastasis recti. The point is to heal your body and slowly create a new, stronger body in the process. We put too much pressure on ourselves and give ourselves unrealistic time frames to do things. You’re a mother — you have enough going on right now. If you need support with finding workouts to help with common post-pregnancy issues, seek out a postnatal exercise specialist or ask your doctor for a referral to see a physical therapist who specializes in postnatal exercises.
4. Steer clear of mom-shamers. Friends and family generally mean well, but sometimes you end up dealing with one of those “parent experts.” You know the one — they’re always saying passive-aggressive things like, “My kid started reading at 6 months old, it’s strange that your kid isn’t doing that yet.” You can shut this down by saying, “Every child develops at their own pace and parents should never put that much pressure on their children.” If that doesn’t get them to let up, the best thing you can do is to keep your distance, because it’s not worth your mental health to get brought down by someone with a holier-than-thou attitude.
5. This is the most important tip I can offer: Be open to accepting help if you need it. Taking care of children — especially newborns — is a lot of work, and we can’t do everything alone. So, do not be ashamed to ask or receive help. If you are a new mom and a friend offered to come over to help, don’t think that you must play hostess — because you don’t. I remember when a friend offered to come over to clean, do laundry, and even cook for me because my husband was at work and I was home alone with my newborn, but I felt weird about having her do all of those things. Plus, she’d have to travel an hour or more across the city just to get to my place. I didn’t think it was right, so I declined her invitation and went to sleep while my baby slept. I woke up about an hour later to my baby crying because she was hungry, and I started crying because I was hungry and tired, too. If I had accepted my friend’s help, I would have been able to avoid feeling so overwhelmed that day, as well as enjoyed her company. Remember: you’re not a burden and the people that love you want to show that love by giving their support. Don’t be afraid to ask for it when you need it.

If you have feelings of anxiety, sadness, feeling disconnected from baby, low mood, or feeling like your family would be better off without you that lasts longer than two weeks, you should contact your doctor. These are the hallmark signs of postpartum depression, and it’s very important to take them seriously.