5 Tips For Watching Kids That Will Keep Everyone Out Of Trouble

At the top, I have to be honest. The first draft of this article was quite angry. The original title of this post was “Hey Fun Uncle, My Daughter is Crying, and it is your fault!” After letting the draft sit for a bit, I was able to calm down and recognized that some people (fun uncles, exuberant aunts, nice-meaning neighbors) are being put in the position of watching kids, when they don’t have any experience in this regard. Of course they won’t be able to do as the parents, they just don’t have the experience.

How it went down

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and there is another man with me at a playground I consider home territory. There was another guy there with a kid (which is common, but not a given) “Hey,” I said in the customary greeting and tone of the non-confrontational urban male. “How ya doing?” he replied. “Not bad,” I countered, “you?” This was getting personal.

“I’m doing good, I’m with her for the day.”

“So, you’re her dad?”

“No, I’m a friend of the family, I’m just helping them out for the day.” (I am going to call him Fun Uncle from here on.)

In that moment, I had two simultaneous thoughts.

Thought 1: “Gee, what a cool dude.”

Thought 2: “This is not going to end well.”

The kids then moved to play by a tree (pictured above.) At the base of that tree was a pile of leaves… leaves are the wrong word. This was a pile of little pieces of leaves and leaf stems. It was probably a pile of leaves, but it was late July, so half a year had worked its horrors. This is relevant, because within 30 seconds, the girls start playfully throwing said debris at each other.

“What awesome kid fun!” I am sure Fun Uncle thought. I knew better. I hadn’t quite determined the exact nature of my fate yet, but my Dad-stinct told me that this was going to break bad. It started with the kids throwing with throwing hand-fulls of leaves at each other. I was okay with that, but under normal circumstances, my kid would have been warned of the consequences of escalation at this point. But I was with Fun Uncle! I didn’t want to look lame! (As a sociologist, sometimes I really hate the social dynamics of decision making.)

So, I let it happen. That was a mistake. Once I showed that bit of weakness, the other kid laid down in the leaves, and Fun Uncle started to scoop leaves on top of his ward. At this point, my arms were crossed and teeth clenched. And, of course, my kid plopped in the pile and started to make snow angles in the leaves.

“Get up!” I yelled, but the damage was already done. Before this moment, that day was not slated to be a bath day for my three-year-old. Now, it was bath day, and that bath would have to happen before my wife got home.

So, what can we learn from this?

5. Don’t mess with other kids; you are in charge of the kids you brought.

Other kids are not your problem. The kid you came with is your problem. You have permission to lightly parent the kid you are with (“Don’t put sticks in your nose,” “Don’t run into the street,” etc.) However, you have no right to do anything to other kids. If another kid is on fire, you might want to let the other parent know. This rule is for your protection; it also allows you to go ape-shit on people when they look at your kids wrong.

4. Stay clean, then have fun.

As a babysitter, your job is to keep the kid in the condition you got them in; the gig is very similar to that of a housesitter or plant-waterer. A major part of that is keeping the kid clean. If the kid has fun while you are with them, that is great, but the last thing parents want when they get home is to have to deal with grimy grumpy children.

3. If you get dirty, clean up.

So, you didn’t keep the kid clean. Way to screw up! Well, clean them up. Now! Don’t wait until later, because the parents might get home early. (However, you need to tell the parents, because kids are slimy snitches.) If a bath isn’t going to happen, at least get wash the kids hands and face and get that gunk out of the hair.

2. Ask the kids what they are allowed to do

Most kids are beautifully honest. When kids lie, they are lousy lairs. Either way, you can almost always tell what the truth is, including what they are and aren’t allowed to do by simply asking them. Sure, they may get some of the facts wrong, but you will be in the right ballpark.

1. If you are unsure, call the parents.

So, the kid started doing something unexpected, and you don’t think they are allowed to be doing that (Even if they said they were allowed to.) Check with the parents. This is why we gave you contact information. It really doesn’t matter how small the matter may be. If you think you may remember the kid has a peanut allergy, and that kid is about to go to town on a peanut butter sandwich, CALL!!! I would much rather have you interrupt my movie with a text to than have to deal with a peanut allergy when I get home.

**************************

Did you find this helpful/amusing/not horrible? If so, click that small green heart below. (That would be swell!)

Jeremy is a stay-at-home dad and sociology instructor. He also writes and edits for Parenting Snack Mix on Medium and conducts a bit of his own sociological research. If you would like to learn more about his other projects, check out his website: www.ProfJeremyBaker.com