A Toddler’s Guide to Breaking Your Father in 7 Steps

(Watch out. This one is gross)

The following events occurred on the evening of August 10, 2016 between the hours of 7:00pm and 10:00pm

Step 1: Explain plan to dog. It is important you explain your plan perfectly so that he (the dog) gets the timing just right.

Step 2: Find a spare training potty that is not currently in use, out of the bathroom, and out of sight of your parents.

Step 3: Poop in that potty.

Step 4: Dog eats poop.

Step 5: Stall going to bed at least one hour after your bedtime. Upon your final ploy, show your mother the above mentioned potty, that, despite not having a full poo in it, needs cleaned out.

Step 6: (Timing is important for this one) While your father is helping your mother clean up the potty, have the dog puke up the poop exactly where your father had previously set his laptop. If you get it just right, he will place his laptop directly on the poop-dogpuke and it will get in all the ventilation grooves on the bottom of his laptop.

Step 7: Refuse to go to bed one more time, cry and make your father feel as if he is the bad guy for making you go to bed.

Note: Your mother will have no such compassion; she knows better.