Establishing Boundaries and Routines in a World of Work-Life Blur: 4 Strategies
Contributed by: Lori Mihalich-Levin, JD of Mindful Return, a Parento Partner
Establishing Boundaries and Routines in a World of Work-Life Blur: 4 Strategies
The term “work-life balance” has always irritated me. As though there were this thing called work on one side and this thing called “life” on the other. As though work weren’t part of our lives, and our lives weren’t part of our work. And as though there’s some perfect balancing point that we could achieve and never veer from. In the past, I’ve favored terms like “work-life integration” or, my favorite, simply “life.”
In COVID-land, the idea that work and life are separate is proving even more ridiculous. We work in our homes. Our children invade our work. In short, life shows up on our screens, and our screens show up in our kitchens. It’s all a blur.
Yet, living as though everything is a blur all day long only serves to set us up for burnout. Guilt. And a belief that we’ve failed.
“Boundaries are a source of liberation,” writes Greg McKeown in his wonderful book, Essentialism. To my mind, a truer statement has never been uttered. Knowing when I’m meant to be “worker” and when I’m meant to be “parent” is an immensely reassuring boundary for me these days.
But how to establish routines, rituals, and boundaries as a parent in a pandemic world? Here are 4 strategies for you to experiment with. Pick one, and try it on for size this week.
Hold a Weekly Scheduling Conversation: For many years now, my husband and I have consolidated our workweek chaos by having a weekly “Saturday meeting” every Saturday evening after our kids go to bed. (We’ve also used a “Saturday basket” where we throw everything we don’t want to deal with during the workweek: bills, permission slips, etc.) During this meeting, we discuss everything from the upcoming schedule for the week, to finances, to check-ins to ensure each of us has time alone and time with our friends. During COVID, we’ve been scheduling our workdays about 2 weeks out, divvying up our days between us, so we can communicate our availability to colleagues and clients. You can do this meeting with any caregiver or partner in life, or even with yourself.
Establish Simple Start and Stop Rituals for Work Time: When I sit down to start work — whether that’s at 9am or 2pm these days, I try to do the same ritual to let my brain know it’s time to work. These days, it’s raising the blinds in my office (which is connected to my bedroom) and making my bed. At the end of the day, I use a ritual of checking in with a family member by phone to signal the end of the workday. And at night (after the “split shift” of working after my kids are in bed), I think of Cal Newport’s mantra, “Shutdown complete” to indicate I’m now done with my work. If you need to go to the kitchen to get water or food and are worried your children will derail you from what was intended to be a quick trip, schedule some intentional “off” time while you make that trip to the kitchen. Ten minutes of a declared break is infinitely less guilt-inducing than ten minutes of a resisted “I can’t say hello to you right now, but fine I’ll stay for just a minute” break.
Set distinct mental and physical routines and habits to denote “work time” from “home time.”
Establish Transition Rituals with Our Kids: Separating from us can be challenging for our kids, even if we’re just heading to another room to work. Adopting specific transition rituals for our little ones can help demarcate our work time and can make the separation process shorter, rather than agonizing and drawn out. I talk about our personal family favorite separation ritual here: Hug, Kiss, Push Out the Door: A Goodbye Ritual for Our Kids. My kids are 9 and 7 and still use it…even when we head upstairs to work from home!
Take a Page from the Time Management Gurus: There are some proven time management strategies keeping me afloat these days. I use them to get some work done when sitting down for my designated work time. The Pomodoro Technique is one I swear by, where you work on one single project in 25-minute increments, with all distractors turned off. Particularly in the pandemic, I’ve also been using Daniel Pink’s “Most Important Task” religiously. You can watch his 2 minute video about it here, but the concept is wildly simple. You write down your most important task for the day and do that first. In pandemic-land, I’ve taken to writing that most important task on an index card and putting it on my laptop before I go to sleep at night. Then, when I can sit down to work, I tackle that first.
Which of these four strategies are you going to experiment with this week? I promise that even minor adjustments in both routine and mindset will go a long way in helping you feel more in-control in this #wfhwk world.
Lori Mihalich-Levin, JD, is an advocate for working parents and the founder of Mindful Return, a program that helps new parents return to work after parental leave and helps employers to retain their parent top talent. She is also a health care partner at a global law firm, the author of the book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, co-host of the Parents at Work Podcast, and mama to two boys, ages 7 and 9. Her thought leadership has been featured in publications including Forbes, The Washington Post, New York Times Parenting, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post.
Mindful Return is a movement that helps new moms and dads navigate the uncertain terrain of working parenthood. 67 employers currently offer our 4-week online cohort-based programs to new parents. Learn more about our programs for new moms, for new dads, and for parents of special needs children. Heading back to work soon after baby? New course sessions start every other month.
