8 Tips to Avoid the Microwave in Paris’ Restaurants
Canned food, the microwave and assembled industrial products: the new French gastronomy at its best in Parisian restaurants!
We’re just a few weeks away from the beginning of another busy tourism season, and the City of Light is yet again ready to show its +32 million annual visitors the best of its culinary world.
From “homemade” to everything but the kitchen sink on restaurant menus in Paris’ most popular spots, it could be hard to believe that a lot of people will soon be served canned food, prepared meals reheated in the microwave, and pretty pre-assembled dishes where a stem of (hardly) fresh parsley on top will create the “fait maison” effect!
For those of you who remember “National Lampoon’s European Vacation,” think of the scene at a Parisian restaurant with the snooty and insulting French waiter. This particular segment ends with a view of the kitchen, where the cook opens boxes of frozen quiches and savory tarts, six microwave ovens behind him… Well it’s sad and shameful to say that many tourists this year will experience this type of cuisine in Paris.
Why? There are a billion reasons for this real and ongoing problem! French taxes are too high, preventing restaurant owners from hiring proper cooks; the cost of labor is ridiculously above the European average; and French laws make it almost impossible to cook with fresh products unless the health inspection comes at least five times to give approval, etc.
The bottom line is simple: The French government is killing France and its renown for being on top of gastronomy, decade after decade.
Sure, you can still have great meals in Paris where excellence and “savoir-faire” will prevail but be prepared to pay the price in general. Apart from local bistros and neighborhood restaurants, anytime you get closer to Notre-Dame, the Eiffel Tower, the Champs-Elysées, the Latin Quarter or any other place with a “French” restaurant every 10 yards, the “ding” and “beep” of microwave ovens will ring in your ears as soon as you set foot in the door.
And don’t be fooled by the “fait maison” (homemade) on the menu! When a restaurant exceeds a selection of more than 10 items available for lunch or dinner, your plate will taste industrial and will smell like a cardboard box…
It’s become way too easy in France to buy industrial products and assemble them in your restaurant.
In 2011, the “French gastronomic meal” was registered at UNESCO, yet today, more than 80 percent of restaurants in the French capital do not serve homemade food: simply scandalous!
To avoid the mistake of being served the traditional molten chocolate cake — a common industrial item that costs the restaurant about 80 cents and you between 8 to 12 euros — here are a few tips for your everyday bistro/restaurant foodie adventure:
1) Number of main courses offered: If more than six or seven, go elsewhere!
2) If you aren’t the first one to come for lunch/dinner, try to glance at people’s dishes: You’ll get an idea of what’s being served.
3) Although you might not see the kitchen from the dining room, ask how many people work in the kitchen if you can: The more items on the menu, the more employees they need in the back!
4) Seasonal products: Escargots in July will come right out of the freezer, strawberry tarts in January will be not only tasteless but without a doubt industrial.
5) Today’s specials: Pizza, roasted chicken, duck confit, salmon filet, rib eye steak with black pepper sauce, fresh carbonara pasta, beef burgundy, etc. Oh wait, we forgot our homemade “cassoulet” and “choucroute!” And we have one coq au vin left! Let’s get serious here: Are we that dumb? Can we please visit your storage room?!
6) Beware of too basic dishes, they probably come from industrial suppliers: moussaka, shepherd’s pie (hachis Parmentier), Basque chicken, potato au gratin (gratin Dauphinois)… To summarize, any very “traditional” French brasserie or bistro item could be cause for suspicion. I pity the poor tourists visiting our beautiful country and falling upon these unscrupulous restaurant owners.
7) Sad to say, but any three-course meal for less than 12 euros will turn out to be a bad culinary experience. It will rhyme with “I just press the start button, and it’s ready in less than 90 seconds!”
8) Last but not least, try to spot the locals: A restaurant full of tourists will attract more tourists! Follow the Parisians and order what they order: They often know better…
Bon appétit!
About the Author: Executive chef, private chef, food and wine consultant… Lived in the US, based in Paris: does not wear a beret but eats freshly baked bread every day. Cooked his first meal at age seven, graduated from the Sorbonne, worked as a photographer and finally came back to the kitchen where it all started. Didier Quémener is French and American, therefore obnoxious, a wine snob and speaks loudly! When Didier is not cooking, he’s writing. When he’s not writing, he’s playing golf. When he is not playing golf, he’s dreaming of being an orchestra conductor, or a guitar player, or… Back to reality: A husband, a father and a foodie! Didier contributed to anthologies Mystery in Mind and That’s Paris and is working on a full-length food and wine memoir. You can find him at ChefQParis and FoodMe.
