The Letter From Donald Trump to Joe Biden Left in the Oval Office
Dear Mr. Election Rigger Biden,
I didn’t want to write this letter, but Pence said I better, or he would write a nice one and put my name on it. Well, if you got a nice letter, it wasn’t from me, buddy. We both know I won this election. By a lot. Somehow, you “found” the votes. I won every state. I read it on the internet. The Q Boards never lie.
Good luck convincing the Trump Train to get hitched to your caboose. Soon, the Hunter Biden laptop secrets will be revealed. This is all part of my plan. Unless you pardon me, which you could do. This isn’t blackmail, it’s just an observation. I make observations all the time. Some say I’m the best at it. Some, not so much. But a pardon for me, and all this talk of Hunter can just go away. Think about it. I’m fine either way. I’m definitely not bribing you.
And speaking of pardons, I wouldn’t look too much into why I gave pardons to people. My pardons were all for good people. The best people. I definitely never took money through Venmo or Paypal for a pardon. That would be illegal. I always follow the law. I’m the LAW & ORDER president of the LAW & ORDER party. Just ignore anything else you might hear about that, because it is FAKE NEWS.
The boy who mows the White House lawn, I think he’s illegal. You might want to check into that. He asks for too much money. He should be happy just to talk to the president and get five bucks like the landscape crew at Mar-a-Lago. Believe me. I hire the best people, and that kid just rubs me the wrong way. But I couldn’t fire him, because the internet liked the memes. I like memes too. There’s some good “hidin’ Biden” memes. You should look them up.
Melania says to tell Jill she can give her some makeup tips. And to tell her cleavage isn’t a crime. Also, something about she hid some blue pills in the medicine cabinet for you. Whatever that means. Then she said, “Watch out for moose and squirrel.”
That’s all for now. Enjoy your impeachment hearings. I’ll be counting your golf trips til then.
The real president,
Donald J. Trump
There’s a camera in the ladies room. Your welcome
I left Barron locked in the master bathroom. He really liked Happy Meals. You can feed him fries under the door. Keep the toys for yourself. That’s what I did.