Undo

Mistake

Only the dead ever dies

Leigh-Ann Steenkamp
Future Light

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A moss-covered tree set in an enchanting forest
Author Photography: Mariepskop Forest

The macabre, gruesome, horrifying and most unsuitable

You thought
You knew me
I didn’t even
Know myself

What I am
Supposed to be
Supposed to do
My purpose here

In this life
And then I realized
None of us do
We make it all up

Interpret the signs
Dreams visions feelings
My intuition only leans
To what I originally thought

And then it started to
Snowball
Roll down the hill
Over Jack and Jill

And Janice
Snap crackle pop
And all the King’s men
Couldn’t put them back

Together again
They were left behind
To figure it all out
For themselves

Like a moth
Flying too close to the flame
Drawn to what we don’t need
Temptation and desire

Drawn to the flame
You burn yourself out
Rip your own wings off
Commit suicide

While you are still alive
Because only the dead ever dies
Sizzle crunch chomp
Don’t repeat the moth’s mistake

It is just a bad day
Not a bad life
I am blessed
In all ways

I can get it all
With perseverance
Not trying too hard
Not forcing it

Pinning it to the ground
My fists hitting your face
Until nothing remains
Not even your voice

I cut your vocal chords out
I wash the blood
From my hands
Somehow sometimes

It doesn’t seem to
Come clean
Forever stained
You thought you knew

What was good for me
In your own little head
I knew better
I knew you did nothing

For me
Only for you
I am
Complete understanding

No sounds now
Complete quiet
I did it on purpose
My bad

Two giraffe heads peaking from the brush
Author Photography: Giraffe Peekaboo

Personal Note:

My biggest secret is that I think thoughts I shouldn’t most of the time and sometimes I act on them. From the earliest I can remember and form coherent thoughts I was like this. Fantasizing about violence, torture and death really puts a smile on my face. Especially the ones that deserve it. My upbringing was traumatic and violent, but I don’t think it is the cause. Maybe a contributing factor. My mother knew and tried to teach me right from wrong. I know what I should do. She always believed my good side will prevail. I am not so sure.

Dumelang bohle!!! African Greetings!!! Please support me so I can continue to do what makes my spirit feel alive and feeds my soul; and that is to express myself through words and photos every day.

Ko-Fi

https://ko-fi.com/leighannsteenkamp

I do not currently qualify for the Medium Partner Program due to country location; South Africa.

A Foundation Logo combating unemployment in South Africa with Proteas and a forest scene in pink as well as some writing in Sepedi
LAS Foundation Logo

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Leigh-Ann Steenkamp
Future Light

Author, Photographer. I specialize in Creative Writing and Storytelling with an emphasis on Mental Health, Philosophy, Trauma, Abuse, Psychology and Crime.