Armchair Quarterback Likely Out for the Season
After a couple rough preseason games, Jacob Green, Armchair Quarterback of the the Detroit Lions is dealing with some issues that could be keeping him from yelling at the T.V. for the entire 20–21 season. His timetable for return is uncertain.
“Well, for one, this team is hardly anything to be excited about.” Green told us, “But also with my new work schedule, I am probably going to be missing a few games.” Green went on to tell us that he is the only person available to work at his neighborhood Little Caesars right now, so he has no time for enjoying life.
Jacob Green is a lifelong Lions fan, having lived his whole life in the state of Michigan. Growing up in Bad Axe and later attending college in Ann Arbor, football and yelling have always been two important passions to him. Green has been considered the starting armchair quarterback for several years now, taking over the position after Old Man Denny, the previous captain, passed away.
“Everyone loved Old Man Denny. It’s quite an honor to get to follow in his footsteps and it sucks that I won’t be able to this season. I only hope whatever rookie gets the start is able to understand and recognize the legacy they are being entrusted to continue.” Green got a little choked up but shoved his feelings back down like a real man, “It’s an important position to our team and our community. It wasn’t easy for me to get to that position and it is painful to think I may be out the whole season. Whoever takes my spot this year will have a lot of work to do.”
His friend, and usual game watching partner, Chris Schoemaker, was disappointed, but knows that injuries like these are just part of the game, and life.
“He’s definitely had a big impact on the team and we are gonna miss him out there for sure. Out there being outside smoking at halftime. He is usually already pretty drunk by then and just fun to be around. He really brings team spirit.”
With Green out, others are going to have to step in and try to fill his place, though it may be difficult to fill such a large, important hole.
“There’s some people here that have potential,” mentioned Charlie, bartender at Champs Sports Bar & Grill, the neighborhood sports bar where Green is known as more than just a regular, “But it’s hard to see anyone performing at the level that Jacob does week in and week out.”
Included in those who could fill in for Green is Doris Benson, who, despite her age, has a deep passion for football.
“Some people try to rule me out because they think I am too old, or because I am a woman. Well, I have been watching my Lions lose for 65 years, I am not gonna stop yelling at the t.v. anytime soon!”
Another is Cooper Saltzman, who is new to the bar, but is eager to show his new barmates what he can do.
“I am looking forward to getting a chance to let these guys know that I am ready, I can do this! I am new here, so I think some people don’t recognize me and therefore underestimate me. Wait until they see me on game day!”
There could even be multiple people stepping up, depending on the week. Some guys have a hard time getting drunk and loud on a Monday or Thursday night. It just goes to show you how valuable Green is to the team and the community.
If the Lions were to make the playoffs, which is not likely but nothing is ever certain in sports, there is a chance that Green could make his return.
“Yeah if we actually end up in the playoffs, sure, I might get the day off or something. It’s hard to say if that will happen this year, if ever. I do love this team, but it’s hard not to feel negative when looking towards the future. What I really love is the way the team brings us all together, win or lose, we are a family. I just hope others don’t forget that in my absence.”
