How to Beat Your Fears Into Submission — My 30 Day Fear Challenge

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
- e.e. cummings

I think everyone grapples with fear of some kind. The worst is when that fear keeps you from doing the things you want to do, or even worse — keeps you from becoming who you really are. Recently, I came to a juncture in my life where I felt I had to take a hard look at what was keeping me back from achieving the things I want to do. The fear manifested in different forms of procrastination (I’m sure many of you can identify with this :P). It came in the form of trying to be perfect, of being scattered, and of many things that seemed productive — but in reality, I was skirting the issue and doing what I call the sideways crab walk. Funny that I am a Cancer ^_^

Well… It’s finally gotten painful enough to where I’m sick of my fearful, and frankly not-so-cool self. I woke up a few days ago and thought, I am TIRED of this. This calls for a battle plan because I am going to wage WAR on my fears. I’ve HAD it. We’ve been frenemies long enough. I am now drawing a line — they aren’t allowed to be chummy with me anymore.

My plan is to create a 30 Day Fear Challenge to tackle my fears that need to be whipped into shape — or beat into submission. My fears shouldn’t be telling me what to do, I’m YOUR Master damn it! And I need to start acting like one — like a BOSS.

It takes about a month to form a habit. The purpose of this challenge is not to cure me completely from my fears (though that would be nice — are you listening God?) I’m someone who can be stubborn so I know it will take time for me to completely destroy and eradicate some of this crap I’ve lived with for so long. BUT! This challenge will put me firmly on the path to build the muscles I need to move past these fears — to feel less conscious about what others think, to have confidence in my imperfect and dorkie self, and to grow up to become who I’m supposed to be.

I want to share this challenge and how I crafted it in hopes of inspiring you, or someone else to tackle something that holds you back. You’re not alone — it’s inspiration for me to hear about what others struggle with and it makes me feel like I’m not doing this for just me.

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THE BATTLE PLAN & CHALLENGE

NAME IT. NAME YOUR FEARS. This is war, you must know your enemy. See below for mine.

DURATION: 30 Consecutive Days

THE TASK: Create a Video or write a Blog article, publish it, and here’s the clincher for me — share it on all my social media accounts and beyond. It sounds simple and silly — but it’s something that gives me anxiety just thinking about it. This challenge is customized for me. When you construct your own, your task should put you out of your comfort zone for what you’re trying to tackle — customized around your fear.

THE GOAL: Having a specific and targeted goal you are aiming for always helps. In my case, I see this challenge as feeding into something bigger, so I don’t have a specific target except to get through these 30 days to build a specific habit and muscle.

When you have a goal to focus on, it not only helps you become clear on what the result or outcome should be — it will also help you by:

A.) Giving you a target to aim at

B.) Reminding you why you’re going through this pain — because it will set you free

C.) Giving you a concrete result to be proud of

D.) Helping with the Law of Attraction. I absolutely believe thoughts are things.

PLANNING: It’s better to have an idea of what you will be doing so a brainstorm session is in order. I am also a self-professed List addict. I’m the type of person who feels better just making the list ^_^ I don’t finish everything but I’ve come to realize the process of making a list and writing it out can help you become organized in your mind. For some people, an exact plan of what they will do for 30 days will help them, for me — I have some ideas, but I don’t have a concise list.

PREPARATIONS: Inventory any tools or materials you need and prepare them beforehand. We want to make this as easy on ourselves once we start. And don’t forget to prepare self nourishment or tools that can build you up to combat fear. If I feel like I need cheerleading, I break out books, articles or videos that remind me why it’s important and how to build myself up.

GET HELP: Tell your friends, family, spouse, co-workers and enlist their help. Find an accountability partner, whatever will help you be successful. By announcing it and telling them you really want to commit to this — they will likely give you their support. If you have trouble on this point, find other ways to give yourself the support you need. See the Preparations section about tools for self nourishment.

REQUIREMENTS

- Commitment. I am going to do this if it kills me type deal. Just kidding — that’s for me…unless this speaks to you :) What IS important though, is to Decide. You want to set yourself up for success.

- Time & Prioritization. Time needs to be carved out for it — as well as making the challenge one of your top priorities. So break out that planner or calendar and take a good look at it. Gotta be sensible about this. Remember that you can do Anything, but not Everything at once. We’re not advanced enough to bend time yet :) Truth be told, we completely made up the concept and measurement of time. Everything is relative — a minute can feel like forever when you’re in pain, and time can fly when we’re having fun.

- A Strong Heart (Courage) There will be many uncomfortable moments so we need to prepare for them psychologically. Great athletes plan their training and practice by visualizing. We should be doing the same. Imagine beforehand how you’re going to kick the butts of these unhelpful moments and strike them out. Practice Practice Practice because Practice makes Perfect. We’ll come to the point where we don’t understand why we were ever afraid in the first place.

- To Make it Integrated & Easier: I’m allowing myself to talk, write or share about any topic. It can be personal, work related or otherwise. What’s more important is getting it done and putting it out. Give yourself parameters you can handle. We all need a carrot along the way.

- Share the Journey: Opening & Closing with Lessons Learned (for you nerdy folks — a Post-Mortem.) I will share daily thoughts and comments through this journey. Sharing is Caring :) There might be trollers, but I already promised myself I would eat them for breakfast.

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FEARS ON MY SH*T LIST

I’m coming for you — so you better be quaking in your boots. Bring it!

1.) Stop Thinking About What Other People Think of Me
A.K.A. Perfectionism & Trying to Look Cool

Let’s face it. In my mind, I imagine I’m this amazing & talented person with Swag and Cool factor. But in reality, this really isn’t my look or strong suit. I can wear the leather jackets and aviator sunglasses, and those of you that know me — well, ya’all know that my house is the place to be in the event of a zombie apocalypse because I’m armed to the teeth. But… I don’t give off cool vibes because it’s not who I am. I’m sort of a Rubik’s cube that isn’t the shape of a cube. I know right? Go figure. I’m incredibly klutzy and I mess up all the time. I’m more of a persistent, happy dork with a lot of weirdness who just doesn’t want to give up on things. It takes time for me to learn things. I need to own my own brand of dorkiness and stop trying to be someone else’s definition of cool.

1b.) What if people think I’m just full of Sh*t?

Look at this sh*t. What was supposed to be Fear #2 ended being a subset of Fear #1.

I have very unorthodox perspectives and view points. I don’t expect everyone by any means to agree with how I see things. But there is a voice inside of me that says, “But what if they think I’m crazy?“ I need to understand that I will not be loved by everyone and even if there are haters — this is who I am. Am I going to change if someone thinks I’m cray-cray? Nope. In the grand scheme of things, the people that truly love you won’t care. So I don’t want this to take up any more brain or heart space. Brain and Heart space is premium real estate no one can afford to ignore. What’s taking up space in yours? hmmm? Maybe it’s time to clean house ^_^

2.) Unlocking My Voice and Expressing Myself.

What is the true nature of my Voice? You gotta open your damn mouth to find out!

I can be very outgoing with people, but I also have a shy side with an overactive mind. I want to find my own Voice. I want to be okay with expressing myself — to put things out there without apology, not to feel bad even when something isn’t very good. This is going to sound silly and completely inane — but I don’t even like sharing stuff I make or what I’m working on because it makes me feel vulnerable. Artists always talk about finding your unique voice and I completely agree with this. We all share the human experience — but we’re like snowflakes. No two of us have the same exact make up or experiences, nor do we process things in the same way. I need to learn what the true nature of my own voice is and learn to pull off the chains from my throat to open my mouth to speak, to sing, to contort my face (my emotions are usually completely displayed on my face) — even if it makes me shrivel up and cringe inside.

3.) Art of the Start. There is no Perfect Time so the perfect time is actually NOW.

Basically, Stop Procrastinating!

Ideas are a dime a dozen. Execution is worth its’ weight in gold. I’m the founder of a startup called PassionDig. As someone who doesn’t have prior successes, the only thing others can judge me on is whether they feel I have what it takes to execute and have staying power to see it through. So while I have areas of my life where I have no trouble getting started, there’s always something somewhere else, where it can feel like you need a crowbar to force something because it doesn’t come as naturally. In this case, I need to make myself cringe for 30 days straight to get over it. But every day, I’m going to be able to cringe just a little less. I believe there are universal laws that are immutable. What you put your heart and effort into will definitely love you back. The thing is we have to believe and commit with our entire heart for it to happen. If we do, we’ll reap rewards and lessons we can’t even imagine. I fully expect wonderful things to come out of this challenge.

4.) Self Confidence & Clarity. The most important commodity.

Where’s your confidence??? Where is this person that’s dying to come out? She is stifled and doesn’t feel the love.

At the end of the day, it comes down to this single point. I could blow everything else off this list and just talk about this point — but I’m someone who likes clarity — specifics. To have clarity on something means you must see it clearly enough to name it. I am fully on board with Einstein’s viewpoint that defining a problem is 95%. G.I.Joe says knowing is half the battle, I actually think it’s way more than 50%. First of all, you can’t wage a battle against an unknown entity. You can’t develop a plan if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to overcome or slay. Simply pinpointing the root cause of something can help you release and look at it in a different way. Some things are more obvious than others, so a little bit of digging deep never hurt anyone. But it does require brutal honesty with one’s self. Not comfortable. We have to work for it.

There are many ways to tackle self confidence. What I wish to build is the kind of self confidence that comes from within. I don’t want to be shaken by external things — I want to be the eye of the storm. Self Confidence = Self Love. Love cannot happen without acceptance. Acceptance cannot happen without clarity and understanding. Hmmm…I think I just went Yoda on ya’all.

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WHAT DO I ULTIMATELY WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS?

I want to come out of this challenge on a firm path to owning my idiosyncrasies and perceived imperfections — to not be so conscious, and to focus more on my own path rather than worrying about what other people think. I want to come out of this with a deeper understanding and sense of what my Voice is and how I can use it to help other people. I want to learn how to be strong enough to be vulnerable — to weather it and turn it into something beautiful, to unlock my Voice and not be ashamed of it. I don’t need to shout, just to simply share of myself without my judgement.

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU.

Come join me in waging a battle against something that holds you back.

The only thing I regret is how long it took me to get here. The gorgeous thing is it’s never too late — even if you’re in your 70s or 80s, or wherever you are. If you have something that’s holding you back, think of a way to tackle it. Whether it be a 30 day challenge or something else — the criteria is that it has to be concrete and measurable. It has to force you out of your comfort zone, putting you on the path to the place your heart really wants to go. Courage is something that can be learned.

LET’S GET READY TO BATTLE!

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