How a Single Father Solved His Morning Routine with His Daughter and Changed Lives Across America
“It’s not about the braid, it’s about the bond.”
Intro:
“Ouch! Dad, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” His daughter looks at him doubtfully as he desperately tries to figure out how to unknot and braid her hair before school. Sound familiar?
Like many single fathers, Phil Morgese has experienced the pain of trying to do his daughter’s hair. With no community for single fathers around him and several married couples treating the single parent like the plague, he took to social media to vent his frustrations. That is when his life began to change.
In the fourth installment of our “I’ve Got Passion” series, Phil shows us how love and determination can help you overcome any challenge thrown your way. Most people would have stopped once their own problem was fixed but he took it a step further. He created Daddy Daughter Hair Factory, a community of single fathers including ex-military men who broke the macho man stereotype, pulled up a chair, and learned to style their daughter’s hair. This community really supports each other. The phones are tucked away, technology is out of sight, it’s time for father-daughter bonding.
Background
Tell me a little about yourself — where you come from and your background
My mother gave birth when visiting family in Montreal, so I am an accidental Canadian. My mom’s side is French Canadian and my father’s side is Italian. My family was very close growing up, eating together every Sunday for feasts that would put most Italian restaurants to shame.
My childhood took place in a small beachside community in Florida and we always had family visiting. We weren’t rich, but I had a lot of fun. I met my two best friends, Chris and Mark, in elementary school. We are all fathers now, which only strengthens our bond. #Fatherhood is the new brotherhood.
Unfortunately, my parents divorced when I was 12 and shortly after I started to go off the rails. I got caught up in drugs and even had a few years probation for a battery charge. At 17 I decided to join the military. It got me out of Daytona and I had six fun years as a mechanic, working on Hummers and being an American badass. The army put me on a better path and I will always be grateful for that.
Tell me one quirky thing about yourself
I’m still a kid at heart. I enjoy the simple things; I love being creative and still have a love for video games.
What do you love about being a dad?
Becoming a father was the most exciting point in my life. I often feel like my life began when I had a kid. It gave me purpose and taught me the importance of loving someone besides myself. Every day I’m rewarded with beautiful memories, which is why I encourage fathers to be present.
The Challenge as a single father — 1) Lack of support — no community, no help 2) Lack of Skills — i.e. hair styling
What are some of the obstacles and challenges that you have faced as a single father?
The first real challenge I faced was when Emma’s mother and I parted ways. Emma stayed with her mother initially which tore me up. Later however, I was more stable with work and home so we agreed Emma should live with me. This made me feel whole again. Being separated from your child is tough. You lose your purpose in life and you can lose yourself if you’re not careful.
The biggest obstacle I’ve had with fatherhood was becoming a single father. I was worried about surviving on a single income and how judgemental people were going to be. Nine years ago, there wasn’t much support for single dads. We were often the outcasts. It’s as if our “single lifestyle” was a contagious disease that our married friends didn’t want to get. I stayed mostly to myself. I focused on work and tried to make the best of it with Emma by my side.
When Emma began preschool, I had no idea how to manage her hair. Fifteen minutes of painful detangling had become a morning routine for us until one day I vented about it online. A hairstylist friend mentioned braiding before bed would help prevent tangles. After trying this, it was evident that I needed to do this every day. This was the beginning of our hairstyling adventure.
Every night before bed, I would braid her hair and tell her stories or talk about life. The following morning I would try new styles. Anytime she wanted a new hairstyle I would try it. People began complimenting her hair. Those comments got me through some dark days. Over the years, I have gotten more creative and experimented with different styles.
The Next Step — Help other Dad’s overcome their challenges
What made you decide to start teaching other single dads?
When Emma was eight years old, I entered a contest for dads who do their daughter’s hair and won! At the time, it was still rare to hear about guys doing hair. Huffington Post wrote a story about us and we went on national television to showcase our hairstyling. That moment gave me so much confidence as a single father. I didn’t even care that they misspelled my name.
After the show, I started getting messages from friends asking for help with hair. I realized a class for dads might be a good idea and a great way of giving back. I found a location, scheduled a class, and put the word out on Facebook. In a short space of time, ten dads signed up.
How did your first class go?
Our first class was great! I only knew some of the dad’s but that didn’t matter. We came together and they learned the basics of brushing, braids and buns. I posted the pictures online and they went viral!
What are your classes like?
I try to keep my workshops simple. The goal is to get a group of dads together, give them the tools they need to handle hair, and walk them through the basics. We cover the importance of staying connected, basic hair maintenance, and how to use the tools.
The Impact
Can you tell me about the impact your workshops have had on other dads?
The workshops have brought dads closer to their daughters, providing them with a new way to stay connected, and simultaneously give the fathers a boost of confidence.
The best story I could tell you was about a father with his 17-year-old daughter. During one of the classes I was running, he asked if I could teach him to French braid, which I normally don’t do in our basic class. A few of the others wanted to learn too, so we went through the motions, and he was able to catch on. After he finished, he snapped a picture of his daughter’s hair to show her. She began to cry. Then he started to cry and other guys in the room began to cry as well. I asked what they were crying for. They told me the girl’s mother recently passed away from cancer, and she used to French braid her hair before every cheerleading meet. And now her father can fill that void. It was an emotional story.
What is your best bonding experience with Emma?
I’ve been with her 24/7 since she was a year old. A single experience doesn’t build bonds; consistent effort makes them. Road trips tend to be our best bonding experiences. Just me, her, and the open road.
I can think of a thousand amazing moments with Emma, but no moment is more valuable than the next one.
What does your daughter think about what you do? How has it changed her?
Emma doesn’t understand the impact, but she thinks it’s cool that we get to help other fathers bond with their daughters. Emma helps me with every aspect of the class: organizing supplies, distributing them through the class, and going through the steps. It wouldn’t be possible without her. As a result, Emma seems more confident and determined to find herself in this world than other kids. I’m going to support any path she decides to take.
How have your classes grown since?
We now have 19 registered instructors that teach classes. It’s a random group of guys, mostly ex-military, mostly single fathers. I provide them with instructions and products for the classes, in exchange for them to encourage the fathers in their community.
We have over 100k followers and have hosted nearly 50 classes since we started in 2015 with Dad’s teaching each other the basics of hair care/styling. We obtained support from a well-known brand (SoCozy, a children’s hair product line, provides donated or discounted products for the cause) which makes our classes affordable to host. This allows it to be free for the fathers that attend.
We film tutorials and perform live shows on different networks. We also create additional content to encourage fathers. We have worked with some of the biggest hair channels and even created content with Disney! The future is bright for us as we head towards becoming a non-profit company. We have a solid foundation to encourage fathers for many years to come.
What advice would you give to people pursuing a similar passion to yours?
If you’re passionate about being a father, I would recommend a few things. First, read books. I read books on child development, child psychology, and a few general books about what to expect. This gives me a better understanding of what is to come and how to cope with it. Of course you can wing it, but your child hangs in the balance. You need to try your best to give them what they deserve. Also, start looking at your friendships and removing those in your life that are counterproductive to becoming a successful father. Remove toxic people; they will hold you back.
Last, lead with your heart. Always follow your heart. Try and teach every lesson with kindness and patience.
Last question: What does passion mean to you?
Simply put, passion is what you love.
The Take Away
Through the years, Phil has faced challenges that have knocked him down, but he has always found a way to get back up. For most people that would be enough, but Phil wanted to help others that were struggling too. Now he has built a successful non-profit organization (Daddy Daughter Hair Factory), bringing single dads together and creating bonding experiences with daughters all over America.
Next time you face an obstacle, remember that there are solutions out there. Sometimes all it takes is messaging a friend. If you have passion for something, then anything is possible.
I’m sure all you fathers (and mothers) out there are dying to see some of Phil’s hair tutorials. Check them out and turn your morning hair time into a fun bonding experience with your daughters.Here’s the link: http://bit.ly/2wT2SrR
Whether you’re looking for kids activities, styling workshops, events on parenting topics or other fun learning experiences, head over to PassionDig.com where we are creating an inspiring community of passionate people helping each other to grow.
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