The Impatient Child

He asked me to stay still and trust Him. Just like a spoiled little brat, I complained, and groaned and screamed.

He told to to believe the path, but then again, I’m quite impatient. So, I banged the wall and rushed towards it night and day. I got bruises, scars and blood. That did not stop me. I wanted to fight it and win.

I was getting dreary and exhausted. I was feeling helpless and alone.

But, He whispered yet again, “Don’t fight it. Just wait. Believe in me.”

Angrily, I yelled back, “I believe in You, but waiting is hard! When is the wall going to come down?”

I’m still faithful and hopeful, but tired and scarred. I know He will never leave me. He will stay true to His word, but the world just kept tearing and piercing through until I only have nothing but numb eyes.

I trust His wisdom and that His ways are always better than mine. But, when it feels like you’ve tried your best and you’ve waited long enough, you start seeking answers that are not yet to be found.

For the next few days I stopped banging the wall and healing the pains I’ve caused myself. The next few days I stood still, followed the path to peasantry and kept my head down, praising Him for the life He gave me.

In just weeks, He showed me a tiny bit of light, a beacon of hope amidst the collapse. I was so grateful. It was above and beyond what I could ever have hoped to do on my own. The light was so bright and so clear the wall was almost white. I began to apologize to Him because of my incompetent faith, but He just laughed and said,

“I know you better than anyone.”

I was in a high, almost in heaven when his first light showed up. I could not imagine anything better than the wall being white.

But, He reminded me that there’s so much more I have yet to see. He told me that it will be bigger and better than what my measly dreams told me.

I couldn’t see it nor comprehend. What He’s said was nonsense. I was a nobody and an impatient little child, but He’s giving me more than White.

Later, I see the wall cracked in a clear thorough line. One punch, no, one push to it and it will go down.

As I saw it, my body trembled. It got scared and unsure. I knew what’s on the other end of the wall, but am I ready to pass through?

What if the light engulfs me and I’m just an unworthy joe? What if the wall is just half-broken and it’s not really meant to be crossed? What if I cross it and He leaves me there alone? What if this is not my only choice? Won’t I be happy with just the little light? I have the white wall and I have safety, isn’t that more than enough?

“I know you better than anyone,” I remember Him say.

Then, it struck me. This wall was meant to break. If He knew me, He knew that I will push it. Even with just the half broken, I’d find the hammer to tear it all apart. He knew that this little impatient child would be tempted to break through. He knew my curiosity and valor would pass any precautions or fears and doubts.

“It scares me,” I told Him, but I got an instant reply. He did not say anything, He just stood by my side.

With that I knew He will be forever in my soul and that He will break big walls every time. I knew that this break didn’t happen in a jiffy.

It did not break to break me; it crashed down for me to progress.

The bigger stage is waiting and I entered this uncharted White. The walls are bigger now, I can see them from a far. But, it feels different. It’s defiant from what I’ve seen before. I believe it’s not because I’m stronger, it’s because He told me:

“Follow me. This is the path I’ve led for you to grow.”

I asked Him “Why?” and “Why me?” He simply smiled and replied,

“Because I love you completely my impatient child.”