Lessons/Reflections from my 20’s [Day 14]

On managing friendship in your 20’s

This is a time of huge shifts; you’re going from university to your career and the fallout can be pretty massive.

If you did a liberal arts degree like me you were used to having chill time in the cafeteria with your mates, everybody lives nearby, with the mere 15 hours a week of class, you probably used get away from it all time to time and you had plenty of time to see your friends.

When you start working that all changes.

Not only have you likely moved from your university town, if you’re Irish, chances are you’ve moved countries!

So now, you no longer are near to your friends, you’re no longer able to get the super cheap flights because you work Tuesday mornings and you’re probably financially struggling somewhat thanks to low entry level salaries (stop sniggering friends who did practical degrees!)

As you can see it’s the polar opposite of what you used to have.

Your world is literally turned upside down and it’s disorientating.

As it turns out you just don’t see anyone that much. It’s just kind of like that at the beginning.

What does happen though is when you start discovering yourself and what you like you begin to become, over a period of years that you are making friendships based on interests, shared experiences and the closest friendships based on shared values. This is a huge break from the times where you got to spend every waking hours with your friends and really changes the dynamics, especially with regards to the intimacy of the friendship.

Now, what happens is when you take your career seriously, working 6/7 days a week, opportunities to see your friends become even more constrained.

Don’t sweat it.

It can be nerve-wracking when you’ve got such great friendships and it feels like they’re withering on the vine because you have to pursue your path in life.

But, as you’ll discover, your 20’s are about skilling up and becoming financially self-sufficient, now that the world is more complicated than ever before this typically takes longer than it has ever done historically and requires a lot of effort and time so keep that in mind.

You can feel disconnected from your old friends because you’re prioritising your personal growth and you must accept that as a part of growing up.

What do they say in the airplane? In case of an emergency and the masks come down, put on your own mask before helping anyone else with theirs.

Sort yourself out before you try to help anyone else, otherwise risk going down yourself and have faith that when you meet up that it will be just like old times despite what your monkey mind thinks.

As the years go on you may not understand your friend’s choices of direction in life. Remember that they are individuals and have certain things they have to do and experience, remain assured of you coming back together in the end thanks to the great bonds you have made over the years.

Finally, as you become proficient in your life your friends are all levelling up at the same time and becoming people that you really admire and are delighted to call your friends. They’re accountants, they live abroad teaching, they’re working with high performance animals, they’re out getting millions in investment for their companies, they’re doctors or they’re travelling living a lifestyle you look forward to experiencing in your own time.

This all hearkens back to the rite of passage of your 20’s which is to become fully responsible for your own life and path