Lessons about fear and feedback
Writing for Medium pushed me to face my fears.
“What is your greatest weakness?” The infamous, difficult-to-answer question that plagues the agenda of nearly every interview I’ve been in. Interviews have always made me anxious, and this is a tricky question to process on the spot. What do they want me to say? Should I have a weakness? What if I say a bad weakness? Is there a good weakness?
Like I said, interviews make me anxious.
So, for the last 5 years, I’ve had the same answer prepared every time: “I tend to take feedback personally”. And it has been true. I’ve struggled to accept feedback without reading into it too much. I often felt like anyone who gave me critical feedback secretly thought that I was incompetent. But, recently, that concern has dwindled.
In fact, it has been writing for Medium that has directly pushed me to confront this fear and put aside my previous judgment.
I’ve always been compelled to ask for feedback that I’m afraid to hear. I’ve never really shied away from asking how well I’m onboarding, or if my work met the requirements and expectations of those around me. Every “great job” brought a sigh of relief and squashed my critical inner voice. Honesty hour: anything less positive turned the volume up on that voice just a notch. And though I always took suggestions for improvement eagerly, that little voice was there to remind me of my worries. The years I’ve spent working and developing my own expertise helped give me the confidence to trust my work, but old worries are hard to silence completely.
Writing for Medium was a task that felt more daunting than I anticipated. I had never written creatively before this year. I had never really been part of a formal editing process. And I had certainly never shared my writing with such a large audience. Sure, I had swapped papers with classmates as part of required peer review processes in school. But full-time students can be pretty self-absorbed (myself included; that’s kind of how you have to operate to stay on track). They rarely have the energy or motivation to offer well-thought-out, constructive feedback. Pointing out typos and offering hollow praise doesn’t align well with professional writing workflows. I knew that the point of working with editors was essential to make sure that my story made sense to multiple readers. I wasn’t going to be working with classmates who have the same amount of experience as myself. I was going to be sharing my work with experienced writers, well-versed in the act of editing.
Submitting my first Medium draft was intimidating. I hit “send”, closed my tabs, and kept my mind off of the pending edits. But as suggestions and comments started coming in, my fears began to shrink. The feedback I received was structured and delivered in a way that really didn’t feel personal. The combination of specific, meaningful, positive feedback with genuinely helpful, constructive suggestions helped me realize that comments about my writing were about just that. Since my first draft submission, I’ve submitted more drafts, published more stories, and even reviewed other people’s drafts. The rinse-and-repeat cycle of writing blogs has quieted that little voice more and more. Now, I really don’t hear it anymore.
So, Medium stole my interview answer. It’s a good thing, at least. While I won’t count out the possibility of this fear creeping in again, I’m now much more equipped to silence it. Truly constructive feedback is not about you. It’s about the product. UXers know that when you only pay attention to your own point of view, your product will suffer. Strong products, including blog posts, can only benefit from the additional eyes of your team.
It’s easy enough to give all of this advice, but it’s another thing to truly believe it. Sometimes you have to experience something yourself in order to internalize lessons about your fears. But, if my critical inner voice sounds familiar to you, I hope my journey can at least offer inspiration and hope.
Although, now, I’m left looking for another go-to answer for my least favorite interview question.
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