If Dr. Turner (from Call the Midwife) Was Your Doctor
“He’d never make you use an online portal.”
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would never have to look at your chart. “The day I delivered you was one for the books,” he’d tell you at every visit. And you’d never grow tired of hearing it.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would come to you — sometimes by car and sometimes just by running very quickly.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would never tell you that a problem was “just stress”. And even if it was, he wouldn’t say it like that. “Why don’t you have a warm cup of tea and an early turn in” he’d say. “And if you’re not feeling all tippity top and tickety-boo by tomorrow, I want to hear all about it straight away.”
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would never brush off your concern about a breast lump. “These things don’t have to turn into bigger issues if we take the time to catch them early,” he’d say. Then he’d ask you how your mother was doing.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would always check your mental health. And he wouldn’t just hand you a piece of paper with a frowny face scale. He would look you in the eyes while you were talking.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would never make you use an online portal. “Why don’t you just ring me on my home phone?” he’d tell you, while writing down his number on a little sheet.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would give up his own smoking habit to help you quit. But every once in a while, if you had a truly terrible day, he’d offer you a cigarette and tell you this one didn’t count.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would never describe a diagnosis as hopeless. Instead he’d tell you about a similar situation he and Shelagh went through, and how it all worked out in the end.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he’d always warm up the speculum.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would nonchalantly explain the female orgasm, and he wouldn’t have to step outside the room to look it up. “Are there any other basic anatomy questions you have?” he’d ask. Then he would actually give you a few minutes to think of some.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he might accidentally prescribe you thalidomide while you were pregnant. But once he realized the mistake, he would be absolutely wrecked by it.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would say things like “female pain isn’t given enough attention” and “contraception should be a personal decision.” And his views would not only be ahead of his time, they would be ahead of yours.
If Dr. Turner was your doctor, he would shake his head at the massive bills you received in the mail. He’d show them to Shelagh, and she’d look up with equal parts concern for you and chemistry for him. “Oh Patrick,” she’d say. “It isn’t right. We have to do something.”
Then he’d nod and gently put a hand on your shoulder. “I know this is going to sound a bit odd” he’d say “But how would you like to hop in our time machine and come back to London’s poverty-stricken East End in the 1960s? Because, believe it or not, if you did, you wouldn’t have to pay for any of this.”
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