Miss Minutes Moonlights at the DMV
Even controllers of time need a little side hustle.
Hey y’all! Welcome to the Department of Motor Vehicles. I’m Miss Minutes, and it’s my job to provide you with the never ending list of instructions you will need to follow in order to stand before one of our agents and validate your legal existence.
You’re probably saying, “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t even be here on a Saturday afternoon.” And you’re right. You probably shouldn’t. But now that you are, let’s not take up any more of your time than we have to, and, unfortunately, we do have to take up quite a bit. So settle in, double check all your documents, and listen up.
Long ago, there was vast multi-vehicular chaos. Countless city and county agencies battled each other in authorizing the use of bicycles, carriages, and other wheeled forms of transportation. This led to highways full of operators not subject to any sort of official vehicle code and regulation, nearly resulting in the total destruction of, well, everything. But then, the all-documenting State Government emerged, bringing order and re-organizing all drivers into a single file line, the License Renewal Line.
Now, the State Government protects and preserves the proper issuing of poorly-photographed IDs for everyone and everything. But sometimes, people like you veer off the path the State Government created. We call those delinquents. Maybe you operated a vehicle while under the influence, or just failed to pay your car registration, whatever it was, it created a bureaucratic glitch, which, left unchecked, could branch off into endless amounts of back and forth paperwork, leading to impossible to recover paper trails, or worse, many more lost Saturday afternoons.
But don’t worry, to make sure that doesn’t happen, the State Government created the DMV and all its incredible workers! The DMV has stepped in to fix your mistake and get you back on the road legally. And to generate a pretty piece of revenue in the process!
Okay y’all. Let’s review what we learned. What do you need to have on your possession before you proceed to the next, at-some-point-available licensing renewal window?
Come on, you know this. To proceed to a licensing renewal window, you just need to have all the files on the history of yourself, your vehicle, and every document that’s ever been sent to your current mailing address, everything from the beginning of time. And if that sounds like a mighty tall order, well, it is!
And, unfortunately, now that you’ve realized you’ve forgotten a crucial piece of paperwork, you must forfeit your current place in the sacred License Renewal Line. So go home, come back, make sure to take another ticket, and you’ll be seen by one of our revered state employees eventually.
The DMV — Here to take up your time, always!
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Amy Greenlee is the Editor of Pause Button and Gospel of Jest. You can find her on Medium and Twitter.
