2008 Raccoon Safety Information
As all Pawnee citizens know, raccoon season is approaching. Around this time each year, the Parks and Recreation department compiles and releases the up-to-date raccoon safety information. These creatures are vicious, and it’s imperative to arm yourself learn with the necessary information for the protection of you and your family.
Pawnee raccoons are not afraid of the typical things that would frighten off raccoons from other places. They are not afraid of: light, your pets, you, loud noises, animal control officer, garden hoses, possums, yelling or guns.
If you or a loved one is being threatened by a raccoon, make sure to call 711 which is the Pawnee Municipal Raccoon Emergency Number. Sometimes this can be made impossible due to the fact the raccoons are becoming more self aware and are very known to chew through phone lines. If this has happened to you and you are unable to dial 711, seek immediate shelter in a concrete and cover your head.
If you are out and away from home, most municipal buildings have a red emergency phone on the south side of the building that will directly connect you with the Raccoon Emergency Hotline.
If you are cornered in an open area by a raccoon, the only option you have to attempt to ensure your own personal safety is to make yourself look as big as possible and hiss loudly at them. Sometimes this confuses the raccoon and makes it think you are a bigger predator than they are, and they flee.
IF this does not work, turn and walk quickly away from the raccoon. DO NOT RUN! This only encourages them, and they will chase.
Sometimes raccoons will approach in packs of twenty or more, which Animal Control has labeled as a throng, there is only one option to ensure your personal safety. Find the highest object you can that has the smoothest sides and attempt to scale it. The Raccoon Emergency department has dealt with retrieving Pawnee citizens from the top of statues, rooftops, and even a light post.
The most important piece of information we can present to you is unchanging every year. If you see a raccoon outside, DO NOT ENGAGE. Unfortunately many of our citizens do not heed this advice, hence why this blog post is necessary. Eight out of ten times, the raccoon will not be the one to engage you.
Stay safe, Pawneeians. These stripey creatures are not cute and they are not kind. If we all heed this information, hopefully we can get the number of raccoon assaults down from last year!
