The Modern Cosmopolitan

By: Linda Novak // Food Equals Life Equals Food Again

Jon E. H. Burton
Dec 31, 2018 · 4 min read

I told myself a million times I wouldn’t do a year-end review of all the delicious food I cooked and shared with you this year, so I won’t. Instead, I’m going to cap off 2018 with one last simple recipe that will make your New Year’s Eve a modern success.

Why do I say “modern”, you may be asking yourself? Because we’re in the age of the modern woman. You know, the woman who works and stuff but also (and more importantly) the woman who has her husband provide for her and stays at home to take care of her kids without antiquated thinking like vaccines or “purified water” (meaning water with chemicals like FLUORINE). So this year, let’s celebrate with the Modern Cosmopolitan.

But first, a story.

I was munching Zoloft and watching my soaps yesterday morning after I had my daily cry and my neighbour Denise came over with a bottle of Icelandic Vodka she got for Christmas. Denise is a modern woman like myself. She has a passion for interior decorating, and runs a small Etsy site where she sells her macrame creations. She’s got a beautiful family with two excellent daughters whom she adores and an older son whom she often forgets about. The kind of family I’ve always wanted until I was stuck with my kid Zenith-Lynn. He’s fine, but I want more. The only problem is Mark, the handsome virile stud he is, doesn’t want anymore kids. Sadly, when I ask him why, he keeps repeating the same joke: that he already has enough with his secretary. You guys remember Mark, right?

Mark the Hottie

Now, Denise and I get together every two weeks to drink vodka and dish about the latest gossip. Sometimes it’s pretty tame, but sometimes we get to the end of the bottle. Yesterday was one of those days.

As we passed the halfway point, we decided Vodka Martinis (hold the Vermouth) were getting boring, so I pulled out a jug of cranberry juice and the fun began. The cranberry juice was originally left by my spiritual adviser Lyle Astrogarden for me to detoxify my Solar Chakra, so I figured this would be a great to to get in tune with my body and get more in tune with that vodka.

So why the Modern Cosmopolitan in particular and not a screwdriver? How did my afternoon adventure turn into a spiritual awakening and a mixology lesson at the same time? It all happened when Kelly on that show Someone And Kelly happened to be talking about how the Cosmopolitan is the new heart of the craft cocktail movement. I mean, besides a vodka soda or a vodka martini, it’s my go to drink when I’m out at a gala or at a fancy cocktail lounge.

Craft cocktails are my new favourite thing. You may think I’m uncultured because I’m rich and white, and you are for the most part correct, but this is the little piece of culture that I’m always going to embrace. Now I know, the Cosmopolitan normally gets a groan from a crowd because it’s the simplest girly cocktail out there, but it’s almost 2019, men can like pink too. Plus, with a few new innovations, higher quality ingredients, and the right accents, this drink can quickly become your favourite too.


The Modern Cosmopolitan

Serves: 2 martini glasses
Prep Time: 5–10 minutes, or less if you’re fast
Notes: Slam like 4 of these bad bitches and you’ll be the cool mom at the party.


  • 3 oz Icelandic vodka (or any other Scandanavian vodka)
  • 1 oz Triple Sec or Orange Liqueur
  • 1 oz St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur
  • 1.5 oz lime juice (freshly picked from the backyard)
  • 6 dashes Lavender bitters
  • 2 oz Cranberry juice
  • 1 oz Pomegranate juice
  • Garnish with lime peel


Chill those glasses, ladies. Put those crystal cups of love in the freezer for a few hours before.

Place all drink ingredients except the garnish into a cocktail shaker and shake over ice until everything is as cold as your soul. Then double strain into your chilled martini glass. You can use a coupe glass if you’re lame like Nicki across the street.

Peel the lime, spritz it over the glass and rub the rim. Then do some fancy cutting and let that peel hang over the edge like it needs a break from swimming, and enjoy this drink.


Public Blogging & Journalism is a satirical take on the news of the internet.

Jon E. H. Burton

Written by

Author, poet, blogger, mountain climber. Living the process every day. Visit me at



Public Blogging & Journalism is a satirical take on the news of the internet.

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