“…You’ll never be alone again”: One raver’s story of self discovery
By Sol Rodriguez
The bass pulses against the bottom of my feet and dances up into my bloodstream. My skin glows neon blue and purple in the firework lights and I know every single word to the song being played. I look to my right to see my best friend holding my hand, shouting the lyrics with me. The glitter on her face sparkles in the lasers. To my left are new friends, soon to be forever friends. In a sea of over 130,000 people, behind me is a rainbow of colors and ages, beautiful faces and beautiful smiles.
There’s a weight in my chest like I’m about to cry, but I am the happiest I will ever be. I close my eyes and feel the rhythm move. The crowd sings together like this moment in time was planned before I even existed.
I am here. I am seen. I am accepted. This is paradise.
As an adult I’ve learned many ways to define identity, but it took several bouts of trial and error to find the one that fit. Younger me was not very comfortable exploring the outskirts of what identity can be defined as. I always did well in school, stayed out of trouble, and hardly fit the bill for a problem child. I was comfortable there.
It wasn’t until my adult life began that identity became something I struggled with. All the new people I met, every friendship or relationship I had, every bit of human connection I experienced was somehow intertwined with identity. I needed to take time for myself, to figure out where I might fit.
It was then that I allowed myself to experience love. I romanticized it so often and latched onto the feeling of connection I had with others, even if it meant losing parts of myself in the process of self discovery. I thought I might find identity in others, like if I found someone who mirrored me, I would find myself through them. I always found myself chasing it, and almost always lost more in doing so. I worked too hard for that feeling and more often than not, it backfired and became harmful.
I attended my first electronic music event with the heaviness of feeling estranged in my heart. As an opportunity to decompress and have a night of fun, I decided to go but was never prepared for what would come.
I was greeted by the most beautiful faces I had ever seen. Every person I met instantly made me feel like a part of their community. There was an overwhelming sense of self-awareness, harmony and connection in these unfamiliar souls. Rave culture was so alien and different from the world I had been experiencing. It was kind, warm, inviting and intimate on every level. The raving scene gave me community and love on a silver platter, took me in with open arms, and gave me the space to feel everything my identity longed to feel.
I’ve been lucky enough to cross paths with many who’ve shared their raving stories. Cashiers, doctors and nurses, baristas, business owners, teachers, mothers and fathers are all people I’ve met in the rave scene. Under the electric sky there are no labels, there is no room for judgment or competition. Raving sees no color, class or gender, it holds no expectations.
In a societal time where division is the driving characteristic of human connection, it is a special thing to experience an environment where hatred is left at the door. Society has become desensitized to racism, discrimination, and intolerance of all forms, but the raving community stands against that and accepts everyone blindly.
Escapism lies at the core of rave culture and truly embodies the definition of self-love and self-expression. Even through rave fashion, I have been able to exhibit my utmost extravagant outfits with complete joy. Sparkles, skirts, and bikinis are all revealing but perfect for the raving scene. Skin is praised in the raving community. When I would otherwise feel insecure in my own skin, my friends and I are celebrated at events for showing confidence through our outfits. It is equally rewarding to see other members of the community feel beautiful and loved in such a creative way. An opportunity to parade your best self, feeling absolutely free in the most accepting environment is the focus of rave culture.
In rave culture, I didn’t have to chase love. I didn’t have to go in circles tiptoeing around what I thought might be my identity. Artists like Galantis showed me the beauty in my life through melodic lines. SLANDER taught me the process of healing through lyrics. Audien made me fall in love all over again with progressive chords. Deorro taught me to celebrate with the people I love. House music reminded me how freeing moving my body can be. My identity was within the music, with my friends, in the lights, in the fireworks and lasers, in all of the glitter. It had been there all along. Waiting for me to claim.
I began unlearning everything about identity I thought I knew by opening my heart to the environment and accepting a healthier version of myself. The destructive habits I adopted, the energy I’d already lost and the relationships I thought I needed were removed. I expected this to be a painful process but it didn’t hurt. Not one bit. I was so full of respect, acceptance, and love, that I didn’t feel the sting of change. I was distracted in the most healthy way possible. Through love and healing, the community accepted me as a friend, and respected my feelings as a human being, making me feel supported during my first raving events. It is because of this reason that I felt included. Although raves are met with massive crowds of strangers, there is intimacy in knowing you are surrounded by unity. I knew I would never feel alone while I was there.
Any assumption of raving I ever thought had completely vanished after seeing the magic for myself. Many people fail to recognize the charm and true sense of what it means to be a part of the raving community. Witnessing humans gather from all corners of the world is exhilarating. Various languages become one tongue under the influence of electronic dance music. Greeting a new face under the lights can suddenly make a stranger a forever memory to cherish. Liberating yourself to the beat of the music is an embodied experience that represents beauty and creative freedom. Peace, love, unity and respect are pillars that built the community and what continues to define electronic dance music festivals and rave culture. You can’t get this anywhere else.
