Rejection — Kate
I recently had a job interview for a job that was actually in my field. Something that paid a living wage and would allow me to do the work I’ve always dreamed of doing. The interview went great! I made a connection with the interviewer, I got a tour of the facilities, and I got to meet some potential co-workers& supervisors. I walked out of that interview with so much confidence. And about 30 minutes later my bubble was popped. I received an email that they weren’t going to go forward with my application. Yay! Rejection!!
I was surprisingly a lot less bummed than I thought I’d be. Would I have loved that job? Yes. Do I think I would have been good at it? Also Yes. But I cannot control what happens outside of myself. I cannot control the decisions of others. So thank you again Therapy for teaching me yet another valuable coping skill- Radical Acceptance. According to Psychology today, “radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change.”
This skill can be applied to so many areas in life. It can be hard to accept but the truth is you really cannot control outcomes no matter how hard you try. You can’t force that girl to go on a date with you even if you asked her really nicely and you’ve been friends for years. I couldn’t make that job hire me even though I’m qualified and had a good interview. The only person you have any form of control over is yourself. In how you respond to things and how you care for yourself after rejection. Rejection isn’t fun. It doesn’t feel good. I could have lashed out at that hiring manager in that email. I could have begged and whined about how I thought I had a good chance. But where would any of that behavior get me? I thanked her for her time and went out and got a frosty and then took a soothing warm shower. I allowed myself to recognize and validate my feelings without forcing them onto another person who was just doing their job. By practicing self-care afterwards I also ensured that I didn’t take out my hurt feelings on those around me. I talked to my boyfriend about how bummed I was. I took care of myself. I didn’t bury all of my emotions deep inside until they exploded in a random moment like I used to.
So my advice in handling rejection is to first recognize that some things are just out of your control and nothing you do will undo that fact. Then, to handle that rejection in the moment in as calm and professional of a manner as you can handle. Take a few deep breathes. Gather your thoughts before you respond. Try to recognize any toxic behavior urges within yourself. Are you about to lash out at the person who rejected you? Are you going to yell at them? Call them names or insult them otherwise? Picture a big red stop sign in your mind. Excuse yourself and walk away. Put your phone down. And practice your favorite form of self-care when you feel whatever emotion it is that you’re feeling. For example, I felt hurt. So I practiced soothing calming forms of self-care. If I had been angry I might have done some HITT exorcises. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you have. Allow yourself to feel them and practice self-care through them without taking those emotions out on yourself or others. And remember, no emotion can last forever. This will pass.
