So you are thinking about jumping ship. Why leave?

Let’s face it, leaving a job is hard and scary. The longer you are at a job the harder the task becomes. So why do it? Contemplating leaving a job floods your mind with complex thoughts and feelings. It is part of your identity. How do you know the time is right? Will I be able to find something better? Am I doing the right thing? Will people like me at my new job? Will it be harder? How will this affect my life? This is normal. The difficult part is properly managing it.

Oso looking at the ground on top of a tall brick arch

It happened. The honeymoon period is over and the reality of your new job has settled upon you. Doubt has crept in. You contemplate if the move was a good one. Later on you contemplate leaving. Not in any serious way. The thought just crosses your mind. But you think to yourself, “I have only been here a year.”

It isn’t the job, or the company. It is just work. Your job isn’t going to live up to your expectations. But does that mean you should jump ship at the first fleeting thought of “should I leave?”

How do you know when to leave? There are good and bad reasons for leaving. Here are some examples of bad reason for leaving:

• More money — If you make enough money to take the pressure off, consider yourself lucky. This also means more money isn’t going to make you more happy. Sure it is nice to get a bump in salary, but that fades quickly.

A quick note about more money. If you are underpaid and have a problem more money can fix, then by all means seek a new job that pays better. My caution is don’t fall into the trap that changing jobs for more money is going to bring joy or fulfillment. Leaving for more money is an empty reason.

• Rage quitting — If you are to the point where you want to quit without giving two weeks notice because you are mad at everything, take a deep breath. Quitting out of rage solves nothing. You will carry this with you to your next job. Don’t let it get to the point of frustration.
• Lack of recognition — A new job will not bring you recognition. Very few people you run into will be impressed by your work, your company or understand the complexity of your work.
• Fear of the future — Back in 2002 I worked for a startup company selling portal software. The owner at the time gave a grim report. Someone left within a couple of weeks. Sadly we found out months later the place he went to had folded. No one I worked with at the time lost their job. Focus on your job and doing your best. Fear about losing one’s job takes a lot of energy. Energy better spent building skills.
• A friend left — I understand it’s demoralizing when someone you enjoyed working with leaves. You should be happy for your friend. It is fine to consider how this impacts your job, but you should leave for your reasons not someone one else’s. When someone leaves it opens up opportunities for more diversity and new ideas.
• Payback — If you think leaving your company is getting back at your boss or “them”, I have news for you, they will survive. Vindictive behavior is a reflection on your heart and attitude.
• Escape — Are you trying to run from a difficult problem? Similar to rage quitting, leaving because of a difficult problem is a growth issue. Be painfully honest with your manager about the difficulty you are having. They want you to be successful. They can help you work through it.

Are you noticing a trend? Go back over the list; what do you see? Greed, anger, vanity, fear, ego, vengeance, pride. If you leave under these circumstances, you’ll carry them with you to your next job. Take a break. Do some self evaluation and consider working on these emotions or issues before you leave. Find a mentor or career coach to help you navigate your frustrations.

If your job is bad, the people are toxic, you are overworked, being harassed and at a breaking point, you don’t owe the company anything. You don’t need a grand reason, or complex evaluation. Sometimes you just need to get out for your health.

Here are some examples of good reason for leaving:

• Lack of opportunity — One could be after 7+ years you are no longer receiving the opportunity to grow your career through skill building and other career development related activities.
• Moral or ethical concerns — Another could be after several months of working a job you discover the owner switches Internet service providers every six months because he purposely doesn’t pay his vendors what he owes.
• You changed — After a few years, you have grown your skills or had your life change in significant ways so you need a different job.The company changed — After a few years the software company you started working for was absorbed by the parent company that slowly killed off all the software projects and expected you to start consulting. They even expected you to consult on the software you wrote that they are no longer funding at 1/3 your original salary, and the business model was not sustainable. (true story)
• The company strategy changed — Similar to the company changing, perhaps after a few years of significant leadership change, the strategy shifted from investing in people to investing in third-party outsourcing to accomplish a majority of the workload in your department. As a result, the culture and outcomes no longer aligns with your core beliefs.
• You succeeded — After several years of living out your core beliefs and values, your vision is realized. Congratulations. Now is the perfect time to leave. Don’t overstay, allowing yourself to get comfortable.
• You are getting comfortable — In your job the opposite of comfort is being challenged. Challenges lead to growth. Most jobs are going to reward growth. You can stay comfortable in your job for a few years, but eventually this lack of growth and skill building will come crashing down. You will find yourself in a very uncomfortable position as the industry rapidly changes around you. You will no longer be able to keep up. Your skills get diminished. The only thing you should get comfortable with is being uncomfortable from time to time.

How do you evaluate the right time to leave? Everyone has escape fantasies when it comes to leaving their job. That is normal, but daydreaming for a new job isn’t productive. When I first get the itch to leave, I start journaling.

Journal all your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, joys, or anything actively taking focus from your work. It is helpful to include a date. This has a few benefits. First, it gets the thought of leaving out of your head so you can get back to work. Second, it provides an objective timeline of your thoughts and how often you have them. If you don’t actively take charge of these thoughts, your mind starts to build a narrative that is biased. For example, you might think in rage, “this ALWAYS happens”. But in reality it might be an occasional issue. Something you should probably let go. Possibly, issues you had with the company are no longer valid because something improved. Journaling helps balance your view of positive and negative events. Lastly, this journal is really useful when you feel you are starting to seriously consider leaving. It helps ground you, and your thoughts. Importantly, rereading your journal will help build confidence toward making a good decision instead of a rash one.

It is also helpful for formulating what you want out of your next job or how your vision needs to change.

When I leave, I want it to be on good terms and for good reasons. I usually start to read through the journal once a year or anytime I am feeling the itch, looking for patterns, and truth. It could be that the culture is different from what you originally expected. Maybe you feel mistreated. The company slowly changed over time.

Evaluating these patterns, I ask myself questions such as:

• Is this something I can continue to live with and accept?
• Is this something that will exist in other jobs?
• Is this a personnel conflict I might need to resolve?
• Can I expect the company to change?
• Have I talked with my manager about it?
• Did the company stop investing in me or my team?
• How much time should I give?
• Is there more left for me to do?
• Am I allowing myself to get comfortable?
• Did I give it enough time?

These are my questions, you should have your own. The point of the journaling is an exercise to reflect on yourself, your thoughts and feelings and where they are headed. Compare your journal along with the good and bad reasons above.

Did you create a vision for yourself? Similar to the journal you can ask questions in context with your vision.

• Did I realize my vision?
• Is there still room for me to grow?
• Is the company still compatible with who I am?
• Am I still a good fit for the company?

This isn’t a check the box exercise. If you want to leave on good terms and for good reasons, you should be struggling with this decision and giving it time. There is no rule of thumb, but I usually give it at least a year. The journal, the vision, and questioning with self reflection is designed to get to the core of what is making you want to leave and if it would be for good reasons. There should be several reasons why you are leaving. Otherwise you might get to your new job and think, “I made a huge mistake”.

If you are thinking about leaving you may be tempted to hint at this with a coworker to gauge another’s reaction. This is poor form. Similarly, don’t use this as a threat. Be the best you can be in the role you were given at the company.

The flip side to reviewing good or bad reasons for leaving is considering good and bad reasons for staying. You might have great reasons for leaving your current job, but just as compelling reasons to stay. For example, changing jobs would create too much uncertainty because of family needs. Reasons for staying can be very personal. Don’t allow someone to judge or shame you into staying with a job.

I discussed reasons to leave a job and evaluate when it is a good time, but I still didn’t discuss why I left my last job or how this relates to joining a new company. Next month I will discuss why I specifically left my last job.