My husband, the feminist

One of the most inspiring feminists I know is my husband, Sam. He often shows up my own unwitting complicity in gender prejudice.

Each time he does this it reminds me that a woman is not necessarily a feminist simply by being female, and a man is not necessarily oppressive to women simply by being male. I experience the empowerment of being lovingly fought for, having my own opportunities and abilities championed, and through the freedom of this experience I am in turn encouraged and inspired to live out very normal, day to day, expressions of gender equality. Thank you Sam!

Here are two examples of our conversations over the last few weeks:

On battling with the laptop:

Me: (Slight whimper) “Sam, could you give me a hand setting up this programme on my lap top?”

Sam: “No, you go for it!”

Me: “Oh, (another small whimper) but you know how to do these these things so much better and it’s going to take me ages!”

Sam: (Continuing to focus on what he’s doing) “Only because I’ve been expected to for a very long time. There’s no innate mechanism in me that helps me know what to do, I’ve just done it loads of time and have learned. You’ll be able to work it out just the same if not better.”

Me: (frustrated and inspired and liberated, still ‘humphing’ but standing noticeably taller): “Hmm, fine I’ll do it. In this moment you are bringing more to freedom of gender injustice than I am! Ok, I’ll put my equally able brain and common sense to figure this thing out…” (important note: it is always relatively easy to figure out!)

On buying our first house:

Sam: “I was thinking, when we buy our first house what do you think about signing it in your name?”

Claire: “Why?”

Sam: “Well there’s no solid reason why we’re both automatically assuming that I’ll be the one to sign, or that the man is the one to sign. I’d at least like to talk about it.”

Claire: “Good point! I’ll sign, or yes, let’s talk about it!”

First published September 2015