People I Meet at the Gym

Come Along With Me While I Try to Workout

Photo by Tony Woodhead on Unsplash

I Finally Did It.

I joined a gym. And it’s exactly as I imagined it would be.

The Cast of Characters

• The Gym Bros
  These guys live for their earbuds, biceps, and…scrolling Instagram between sets. Watching them “work out” is like watching someone wait for a bus — they just sit there on the machines, looking busy but accomplishing nothing.
• The Diehards
  No matter when I go — morning, night, or some unholy hour in between — they’re always there. Do they live here? Do they pay rent? Should I be worried? And honestly, they give off strong “I have unresolved issues and I’m running from them on this treadmill” energy.
• The Oglers
  Usually older dudes who haven’t mastered the art of subtlety. Their idea of flirting? Staring at you from across the room with the intensity of someone trying to decipher fine print without glasses. It’s not flattering — it’s creepy.
• The Sweaters
  These human sprinklers are permanently drenched. They leave a trail of bodily fluids wherever they go, like slugs but…wetter. Best-case scenario? They have a towel and know how to use it. Worst-case scenario? You’re wiping their DNA off the bench with your sleeve while trying not to gag.