Flame: Mine or Theirs?
When I am in tune with myself and aware of what emotions, thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs are mine, it is unlikely that I will take on those of others without realizing it.
As I go about my day engaging with different people, I’m aware that there is a chance that they are projecting their feelings onto me, and me them, and these can influence my emotion, mostly negatively. So, I try to stay aware.
I had this friend I really liked, but I noticed I struggled internally whenever we hung out. She loves to wear all things designer, and I admired that about her — The fact that she expresses herself through her taste. But I didn’t like how she constantly criticized my choices.
The Audit
I check in with myself a lot as sincerely as I can afford and try to self-resolve any inner conflict. About my friend, I asked myself a plethora of questions to help me understand my struggle.
“Why is it important to my friend that I wear designers?” Maybe in extension, it has something to do with her self-image.
“Does wearing designers matter to me as a person?” Not necessarily, I can do without those.
“Do I have to adjust for her?” Absolutely not.
“Do I have to keep enduring even after I’ve let her know severally how she makes me feel?” I don’t!
After much thought and being fair to the situation, I let my friend go so she can be herself with no strain, and I can enjoy my minimalistic personality in peace.
Staying Aware
Now, I am quick to identify thoughts that are not mine and clear them out before they become feelings. Because the longer they go unaddressed the deeper they can get in me that I start thinking they actually are mine. Think Inception.
Also, if I do not like a person for no reason at all, I like to listen deeply to my feelings about them, to understand why I feel that way. It helps me clarify if it’s really them or me. Because sometimes, I know I get drained by people that are dramatic or extra, even though it might be nothing to others. Worse, if I have to be around them a lot.
Compartmentalizing
I really like to spend time with happy people or at least people who are self-aware, so that it is easy for me to protect myself from absorbing negative emotions.
When I am around a loved one that’s distressed, I try not to be absorbed in the feeling and move to the solution stage so the misery is over. If it is something I can not do anything about, I get to stay either conscious or nonchalant else I could take on the whole feeling without knowing it, and suffer emotionally.
The Craze
When someone says something rude or unfair to me, it’s crazy that regardless of what shitty thing is said to me, how I take it is totally up to me. I used to think this unfair till I learned that what people say to me is a reflection of who they are, and not necessarily about me.
My reaction is up to me, is not to say that I do not create boundaries, I do. But think of it in the case of a stranger. If a stressed-out woman in a queue calls me stupid would I be offended?
I would like to think that taking offense to what someone says to me would mean that there’s some element of truth that I am yet to personally resolve, or make peace with. Or simply that what the person said is so inhumane. And this is on the person! Lol.
Well, cheers!
