Who the fuck am I?
“If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?” This used to be my favorite innuendo for the longest time. But it changed recently. A lot has changed about me too.
It’s funny how people leisurely say the phrases Be yourself, Live your truth, Be Authentic, Live a life of purpose, etc. If it were typically that easy to live those phrases, I guess the world wouldn’t be full of people who do not know themselves.
Understanding who I am, the real me, has been a journey to self-awareness and still is.
In between
At 13, my perception of life was summarized as There’s the good and There’s the bad. I saw the adults around me live out their bad with excuses to validate them, and I, a teen had to live up just the good and be punished for any bad.
I liked to play a lot —Suwe, X and O, Police and Thief, Hide and Seek, and generally play pranks; but I remember reading more books than I played.
At the University, with all the freedom I had, I was so into my head that I didn’t even have the time to explore or play. I lived mostly by the books, Thou shall and Thou shall not.
In recent years, I’ve come to the acceptance that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And I’ve made a candid choice between grace and a false sense of perfection. So now, what weaknesses am I excused to have, since we obviously sin differently?
Living a lie
Am I doing the things I really want to do or am I living who society expects me to be? Tough question. Many rhetoric questions…
How great can love be—how deeply am I ready to feel?
Is life beyond getting power, sex, and money?
Are we to put God first or make Him the center of our lives?
What lifestyle do I craft for myself?
How true are the things that seemingly form my identity?
Who the fuck am I?
How often do I change as a person?
How high do I dare to soar?
Who do I want to be?
On the flip side
I’ve never had to fit in, so I guess that’s a great place to start!
