This is 2019–2020.
I should say something, about the new year…
5 years ago, I was in Shanghai.
Celebrated the new year with my friend. She lost her phone in the crowd, although we asked someone to help, the truth was we can’t take the phone back. After she realized someone stole her phone, we didn’t have a mood to celebrate the new year anymore. But we still showed a smile to each other and said:
happy new year.
This year was 2014–2015.
One year ago, we went to a friend’s friends’ house, which was located in Waterloo, had the best view to see the fireworks at London eye. We didn’t buy tickets, just went through the crowd and climbed to the rooftop of friend’s apartment, drank beers and ate chips in the freezing temperature, sometimes had crazy drunk English guys or Indians came in, we shouted together to all the people who were standing downstair:
happy new year.
This year was 2018–2019.
This year, I totally have no idea how to celebrate on the last day of 2019, I feel I am older and older, even though I am 25 years old only. I am tired of social, talking and party all the time.
For some reason, some grief spread from the outside to the inside deeply, I can’t control and stop thinking it. Imagine someone asks your life experiences in Europe, and I have to say, yes, it was happening in ”last year”. All the things I love already leave me alone, they all fly away to the edge of the world, which I never can approach.
This is the main reason why I am so sad, I am crying without tears, and then squeeze my face to make a smile.
I keep record all the details of my lifestyle with pictures, writing, and videos. It’s not to show up that I have so much in my ordinary life, I did these because I am not good at memories things. At least if I want to look back on my past experiences, I can check the diary that I made before.
However, I still have a strong feeling that I don’t want to 2020 coming now, I wish can stay in 2019 forever, like I am kind of food that frozen in the fridge, preserved in the perfect condition forever. But the fridge will break until the machines are not working, the organic is perishable, we will pass away one day.
I have to accept it, all the memories will drift away from me, like dust float to another world, you can’t see, touch, smell or feel them anymore, even though you know they exist in this universe.
This year, I spent time with my parents at home, they watched the Japanese TV show in the living room, and I watched the movie in my room. When my parents said it time to count down, I was involved in the movie too much, I even didn’t notice the time was 11:59 p.m. already.
When I open my phone, it shows 12:04 a.m. and some messages from my friends:
Happy new year!
….and you should love yourself more and more, 2020, “love you, love you”.
(2020 in mandarin pronunciation, it sounds like love you, love you)
This is 2019–2020.
