Clutter
Or do I have ADHD?
I’m working at my white desk with my rose gold and white matching keyboard and mouse. The two large monitors sit in front of me. My eye strays to the dust collecting under the monitors, but I turn back to my work. After a couple of minutes, I notice the stack of unruly papers that are scattered to my right. Once again, I bring my focus back to work. Then my eyes spy the strewn jewelry sitting in various locations around my keyboard and monitors. A pair of earrings here, a necklace there, a couple of rings directly in front of my monitors.
I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Clutter affects how productive I am. I’m not a neat freak, by any means, but there is a certain point where I just have to clean up before I can accomplish a task.
So I set about going through documents and filing them away or throwing them out. I see if I can stack some of the books on my desk somewhere not in my line of vision. I’m supposed to be working, after all, and don’t want to spend forever cleaning up. I put my jewelry back where it belongs. I grab the cleaning wipes so that on my next call I can sit there and clean and dust while listening to the conversation.
It’s no surprise to me that people speak about physical clutter affecting the mind. My husband’s desk is far worse than mine, and I honestly don’t understand how he lives like that. It would drive me mad.
I often wonder if I have ADHD, which would explain my struggle to remain focused. I know people suggest mediation to train the mind to focus better. Does anyone know of a meditation for people with ADHD? I can only seem to focus for a few minutes before my mind starts wandering.
Or maybe the problem is that I can have two thoughts at the same time. I can simultaneously be thinking about my breath (breath in, breath out) and what the day is supposed to be like tomorrow (40 degrees huh? I wish it were warmer).
Multitasking is something I do a lot. I would often do that while watching a TV show or movie. I’ve managed to reduce that, but that doesn’t change my multitasking mind. Now I’m watching a TV show and thinking about what I need to write for the next blog post at work.
Does anyone know of any meditations for ADHD? Maybe I should try working with that some more.
On the bright side, my anxiety medication keeps me from ruminating on the anxiety-inducing things. Like that conversation I had with my coworker and I said something that I probably shouldn’t have, so now I’m up until 3 in the morning asking myself why didn’t I say something different? What does my coworker think of me now? Will this affect my job? And why did I have to say that one thing to that kid in high school? I’m sure I looked like a total idiot. And why did I have to mistake some other girl for a friend of mine? I’m such a loser.
I’ve never been formally diagnosed with ADHD, but maybe I should look into that. I don’t want to be a hypochondriac, but my friend has ADHD and she was given some pretty awesome medicine that has helped her make more progress in a couple of weeks than she has in years. Some of the symptoms she’s mentioned have really made me wonder if that’s part of my problem.
Or maybe I’m just a nut job. Maybe I think there is a reason behind my struggles when it is simply me. I’m not dedicated enough, or strong enough, to push myself to get things done.
Maybe I need to look for ADHD meditations.
