How to Accept Things As They Are
In life there are inevitably many ups and downs, twists, turns and surprises as well as things that are outside of our control. Often we struggle to accept things the way they are. How do we learn to ride the waves of life with greater resilience and to come to fully accept what is? There are many steps we can take to cultivate the power of acceptance.
Allowing Feelings
Firstly, it’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Before we look at how to accept something it’s important to not ignore, minimise or invalidate our own feelings. It’s natural and normal to feel disappointed, sad, angry or whatever else you might be feeling if things are not as you would like them to be or as you would have hoped they’d turn out. Give yourself some grace here. You’re only human. It’s ok.
Our feelings are guideposts and can give us a greater understanding and insight into how we can go beyond what we’re feeling in order to learn how to accept reality and be happy.
One of the things that can often hold us back is our expectations and attachments. What are driving those? Are they helping you or hindering you? These often stem from fear of change and fear of the unknown. We all like certainty and predictability to a degree and when we’re not in acceptance we’re in resistance.
How can we release resistance to what is? Why do we have resistance in the first place? We think things should be different. We think we know how things should be and that we should be able to control things enough to make sure they fall in alignment with our beliefs of how they should be. Should, should, should! What a funny word that is! Perhaps things shouldn’t be different? How can we know how things should really be anyway? All we truly know for sure is how they are. So let’s work with that.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
What we also have to understand when we’re in the midst of something difficult is that we have a great tendency to lose sight of the bigger picture. This is important to remember. I believe there is also a reason for things to be the way they are. If something is a result of our own behaviour or lack of awareness in the past we must forgive ourselves first and foremost. We can only do the best we can with the level of awareness we have at any given time.
‘Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.’
Maya Angelou
It’s also important to remember that what may seem like a disaster in the moment, may actually turn out to be a blessing further down the line. This is very often the case. What is falling into place that you cannot yet see? Ask yourself this and hold on to that. Trust that sometimes things fall apart so better things can come together later down the line.
Acceptance of What Is
Practising presence is another key aspect of accepting life as it is. Do things that take you deeply into the present moment. Exercise, meditation, breathwork, creativity. All these things are fantastic tools. Spend time with animals and children. They teach us so much about living in the moment.
Whenever you are feeling resistance ask yourself; what is the truth of the present moment? Very often it is very simple and there’s nothing inherently wrong with the moment itself. The truth of this moment for me for instance, is that I’m sitting in a flat, writing a blog post. That’s it. That’s all that’s really happening. Everything else is a projection, a thought or feeling about the future or the past. But it’s not the truth of the present moment. Find your way back to the core truth of the present moment and stay there for as long as you can. Remember that this is where your power lies. In this moment.
‘Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.’
Byron Katie
Let’s also briefly examine what acceptance is not and how it is sometimes mislabelled. It is not an excuse to stay comfortable or remain the same within circumstances that are not for your highest good or a true representation of your potential and capabilities. If we have the power to change something for the better then we should. Accepting things that are not optimal that we have the power to change is not acceptance but rather a result of fear based thinking and often deeper psychological processes being at play. Acceptance can only, and should only be applied to those things that are outside of our control to change or alter.
‘Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.’
Eckart Tolle
Let the Challenges Make You Strong
Lastly, use this time as best you can to learn to cultivate resilience, inner strength and to stay rooted and grounded within yourself regardless of outside circumstances. Perhaps, if there is no other reason behind what’s happening in your external world, it came to you to strengthen you. That’s always a beautiful thing. If you can reframe how you are looking at it, you can try your best to see it in this way. As a gift to your own inner development.
Trust yourself throughout this process and trust that you have all the resources within you that you need to overcome, face or conquer whatever your life is throwing at you. You’re so much stronger and more capable than you think!
‘When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.’
Peter Marshall
Life always has a way of working itself out. Surrender to allow things to unfold as they’re supposed to in the time frame that it naturally takes. What’s meant for you will never pass you by and there might be a higher reason for why things are the way they are right now. Perhaps things are just as they are supposed to be? Perhaps things are falling into place perfectly? What an empowering thought! Change is after all the only constant in life and when we learn to accept things the way they are and go with the flow rather than resist it, life becomes a more beautiful and fulfilling experience. Practise patience, presence and self care knowing that this time is preparing you for greater things.
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