I get seasonal depression every Spring.
Why do the months of rain, flowers, and new beginnings make me uncomfortable?
The air’s a little bit warmer and the sun’s out a little bit later. Things are moving more slowly, and things are wrapping up beautifully. Flowers are out, the grass is greener, and things are looking colorful again.
So why am I not happy?
Maybe because it’s the month my great-grandmother died, the month I had to quit college, and the month that COVID happened and ruined my senior year and entrance into college and adult life.
Maybe it’s just that things get warmer, and I associate heat with hot flashes and anxiety that never go away.
“The beautiful spring came; and when Nature resumes her loveliness, the human soul is apt to revive also.” — Harriet Ann Jacobs
Spring feels like a promise that won’t come through.
It reminds me of summers coming, apart from friends and so little time to plug in somewhere new.
Spring is hurry up and stop. Take it in and slow down but make sure you know what you’re doing next.
I look up and see flowers bloomed, but I missed the forming of the buds buds, and don’t know how much time I have with this beautiful world.
Spring feels too good to be true.
Spring makes me feel like I need to apologize for what I didn’t do in times of dormancy, waiting, and planting. Like a gardener who forgot to plant the seeds, and couldn’t keep the plants alive if she tried.
For some reason, I can’t handle the world growing without somehow feeling left behind.
“You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry. Don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.” — Walter Hagen
And there’s some truth there. It will end. But so will everything.
Maybe I’m just growing and I don’t like it. I’m pulled out of the death of winter like someone being yanked out of a coffin, unprepared and still dead, or a child who’d rather play in the dirt rather than on the glorious playground available to him nearby.
“That is one good thing about this world … there are always sure to be more springs.” — Lucy Maude Montgomery
But no matter how I feel, Spring still happens.
The world will be beautiful and majestic and new – it’s just a matter of whether I choose to experience it.
-Katie
