So ex-bae got engaged…
If all a woman wants is to get married, that’s easy. Introduce yourself to Joe Blow and go for it. Mission accomplished. What’s next?
If the goal is to wear a white dress, you could bypass all the wedding frenzy and just hop over to the clearance section of most retailers and get busy! You will likely get a fantastic deal on a frock right now if you’re crafty! Get a dinner party planned real quick… and ba-da-boom ba-da-bing! You’ve got yourself a party and your white dress! #Winning
If the goal however, is to find and sustain a healthy, vibrant, sturdy relationship then you ought to relax and take your time with this one, friends.
Be ye not pressed! Just because “he left” you for the chick he’s engaged to now does not mean she won and you somehow lost. It doesn’t mean they’re doomed either. What should not change is the way you value yourself because of this change in his life while your ring finger catches wind. You might be winning with this perceived loss! Matter of fact, if he was a jerk to you while you were together, you’re definitely winning and you while you should be smiling about said victory, you should also be saying a prayer, no, several prayers for the new chick. Count thine blessings! Amen.
I’m just whizzing through the interwebs to say that putting a ring on ones finger does NOT automatically mean that the relationship he now has with her is any healthier than the one he had with you. It does mean that whatever his reasoning, whether rational or not, meaningful or not, sound or not, he chose to put a ring on her finger. That’s alright. You have NO idea about what the real status of their relationship is. I think we assume things are peachy and self-inflict unnecessary pain if we haven’t “achieved” engagement by the time ex-bae has. Let me also add here, social media for the most part is smoke and mirrors and a touch of great lighting with a dash of wonderful angles, okay?! Don’t believe the hype!
Now, lest this sound like I’m embittered and drank a vat of hate while writing this… let me even the scale a tad.
It could also mean that he learned quite a bit from his encounter with you and is better for it. Sometimes when we mess up really bad, we learn a few things and purpose to do better… SOMETIMES. Teehee. This doesn’t necessarily mean that what you had needs revisiting, either. Some things are better left in the past. What I’m saying is — — you don’t know what it is ex-bae has going on, for real. Perhaps, what you’re really down in the dumps about is where you are with whatever you have going on. Take a look at that.
I think when a relationship is over, it’s important to assess what happened once your feelings are not as loud anymore. Find out what went wrong, what you need to own, what belongs to other party and heal. Too many folks are just busying themselves trying to substitute bae instead of doing a little self-inventory. I know we haven’t got all day, but would you please just take a beat to reflect for a FEW MINUTES before you post up with your new bae. See what you can learn from the failed encounters... What you need not repeat…. What you need to improve and let go. Pick yourself up. Move forward.
If you can be happy for him, be. If not, hell, don’t! But friends, do YOUR work. What’s yours is coming to you if you remain focused on your own journey.
That’s all for today, homies.
