Spark the Change Part 2 — The Courage to Speak
(Pst, have you read part 1 yet? )
We need to have a difficult talk…
My second Spark the Change workshop was hosted by Isabelle Lord, and focused on the challenge of handling difficult conversations.
If you’re like me, there’s nothing you dread more than confronting difficult conversations. Maybe it’s with a partner, employee, boss, or anyone really. You just know it needs to get done. My usual instinct is to use the Band-Aid approach: the faster you tear it off, the better. But how does that feel to the person on the receiving end? How can I improve my technique?
According to Isabelle, we should first think of these talks in three phases: before the conversation, during the conversation and after, because yes, there is an after! Most importantly, she showed us that the whole process goes a lot smoother with a little C.O.U.R.A.G.E.
What does that stand for? It was simple in French, but I’ll translate it the best I can:
C — Conscious — Be aware of your own emotions and those of the other person
O — Opposition — Anticipate the responses the other person might give you
U — Unique — Every conversation is different: set up ONE goal for each conversation
R — React — Let the other person react, listen
A — Attitude — Be aware of your own attitude during the conversation
G — Gymnastic — Your conversation is word gymnastics. Gracefully adapt your replies based on what you’re hearing and your ultimate goal, instead of blurting out anything to keep the upper hand
E — Engage — Make sure the other person is engaged and agrees when it’s time to move on to the next steps
Keep C.O.U.R.A.G.E. in mind before, during, and after each tough conversation and you’ll find that maybe they’re not so tough after all. But that’s not all. Isabelle also gave us more general tips that can help you navigate a difficult conversation with ease. Here are the ones I found the most useful:
- Prepare yourself: the more prepared you are, the calmer you’ll be
- Don’t try to rush the conversation, take time to really do it
- A conversation can be as short as 10 minutes! No need to stretch it
- Know your boundaries, you can stop the conversation and you can push it back if the emotions are too present
- Don’t be afraid of silence. You don’t need to fill it
- Do a follow up after
If you want to know more, feel free to contact Isabelle directly. She also hosts great workshops and conferences on the topic. If you’re more of a bookworm, she’s written several titles on leadership and having the hard conversation. I also personally recommend the book Crucial Conversations.
Thanks for reading! Remember to check out tomorrow’s post. You’ll learn why you might want to get some Lego®.
