How Humility and Integrity Have Shaped the Writing of reMIND
Editor’s Note: For the past several months, I have had the pleasure to work on a new course, reMIND, with Kristin Taylor, M.A. reMIND helps prepare students to navigate the college environment with a positive mindset, especially when faced with difficult obstacles on their path to graduation. reMIND liberates students from disempowered personal narratives increasing their likelihood of practicing resilience and perseverance in the face of academic, social and financial challenges. To learn more about reMIND, please visit the reMIND Page on the Perceivant website.
I’ve asked Kristin to start writing about her experiences while authoring and creating the material for this course. This is the first of those blogs.
How Humility and Integrity Have Shaped the Writing of reMIND
by Kristin Taylor, M.A.
Writing reMIND has been a humbling experience, to say the least. It has been a labor of love as I bring into sharp focus my over twenty years of counseling and coaching experience, highlighting what I believe will most powerfully support the goals and ambitions of others.
I choose the word humbling because it has also brought into sharp focus my own process of personal growth. There is nothing like writing a chapter about “managing feelings and emotions” that gets you truly — and I mean truly — thinking about how well you actually manage your own feelings and emotions.
I tend to only trust people who seem accessible and real. For example, my hope is that all those wellness experts who espouse virtuosity in all things physical, mental and spiritual, have also had those Netflix days when they only got off the couch long enough to replenish their heaping bowls of popcorn, stashes of cookies, or whatever sinful treat beckons them. Those are the ones I want to follow. The thing is, if they haven’t, how will they be able to possess the insight and empathy necessary to devise plans and realistically advise the rest of us mere mortals, as we attempt to get our rear-ends to the gym? That’s really what it’s about — being authentic enough to share that you genuinely understand the challenges well enough to speak and write in such a way that demonstrates that you have been there, too.
Now, let’s get back to those feelings and emotions. Because I am just as flawed as the rest of us, staying actively present and conscious in my approach to managing my own feelings and emotions is a daily commitment and ongoing practice. I love that word, practice. Sure, I find it wholly disconcerting when my doctor is simply “practicing” on me as she writes out a prescription for a medication I can’t even pronounce, let alone embrace the fact that it has the potential to riddle me with effects I might one day describe as anything but “side”. However, when I apply the concept of “practice” to the development of my own ability to manage my feelings, it invites a deep sense of grace and patience as I commit to living more fully, courageously and yes, with integrity to the work I have pledged to pass along to others. Let it be known that I falter, I struggle and I fall down. That’s the humility part. But, I keep getting back up, ideally having learned something important from the stumble.
It is from this place of personally understanding how hard managing feelings and emotions can be that I put the proverbial pen to paper and set out on the journey of writing the chapter, while also ensuring that I too was exercising the integrity to back my words up. What I mean by this is that I promised myself (and by extension every student and reader of my work), that for each insight and suggestions I endorsed, I would practice it as well, or at least practice it more consistently.
And, so I have.
Back to this being human stuff. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. As an introvert and someone I would describe as “emotionally porous”, I feel things deeply and am easily overstimulated by the energy and pain of the world around me. What this means is that I often have what I call a loud brain; my thoughts, feelings and emotions can feel very domineering, insistent and completely incessant. One of the ways I have effectively quieted them is through engaging in breathing exercises that can be practiced on the fly (like before a presentation or difficult conversation), as well as committing to a meditation practice.
Again, that word practice is so critical. Sometimes I practice and then, sometimes I don’t — or not enough. In researching and writing the chapter, I was reminded (no pun intended), just what an enormous difference meditation makes to my overall well-being and that I had in fact, recently neglected my personal practice, truth be told.
It’s amazing to me how the process of researching and writing about a subject I find fascinating can feel so all-absorbing and all-encompassing, while still remaining a bit abstract and even academic. Here is what I mean by that: having immersed myself in the material and having taken a deep dive especially into finding the most powerful ways to manage worry, nervousness and anxiety, I suddenly was contending with a moment in my own life when my anxiety was painfully provoked and I felt overwhelmed. Without getting into the details of the event, I reached out to a trusted and wise friend. With magical timing, the way in which she supported me and the words she shared totally transformed the trajectory of my work in the chapter and yes, equally as profoundly, my own life.
Much like my desire for wellness experts to personally know the seductive powers of a pint of Haagen Daaz, my personal experience of anxiety — while in the midst of writing about anxiety — shifted everything. I am sure that what my friend shared I had at one point in my life heard before; heck, I have been dealing with anxiety for at least forty years. I had to have had heard it before. But, I was finally ready to “get it” in an embodied way. As a result of finally getting it, I also wanted to increase the chances of creating that lightbulb moment for others. I know, I can’t make that happen for everyone, but my hope was that if I shared the insight in a compelling enough way, it would at least resonate for some and indeed, matter. Really matter.
I won’t keep you waiting any longer…What did my friend say that became my own defining moment in managing my anxiety? Wait for it…. She explained that anxiety cannot truly exist in the present moment for any extended period of time. Anxiety is fed through our ruminating on the past, or by anticipating the future. If we are totally present, anxiety has no permanent home with us. Rather it can only be experienced as a short-lived feeling, simply passing through our landscape of awareness. And yes, she was right (and pretty smart).
It was with this insight that I went back to the keyboard with an energized clarity and conviction, determined to share this truth with others. Moreover, it was with this insight that I committed more fully to engaging in a meditation practice that supported my ability to focus on being more present and grounded in my body, and to learn to gently and lovingly quiet the passing thoughts that like clouds, float in and out of my awareness. And, as I returned to writing and to my more integrated commitment to my meditation practice, you’ll never guess what happened. My anxiety gradually lessened and now when it does surface, I am far more capable of managing it.
I believe it was Robert Frost who said, “The best way out is through.” I think he was on to something. If we truly face our challenges head-on, then we have earned the right to advise others to do the same. My hope is that through humility and integrity, I am doing just that.
To learn more about reMIND, please visit the reMIND Page on the Perceivant website. Perceivant is an educational technology company that creates college courseware that focuses on student well-being. We believe that with the right tools in hand, students can learn skills that will help them succeed in all areas of their life — for the rest of their lives. This is the meaning behind our tagline: Learn Well. Live Well.